use webtorrent-fixtures

39 files changed, 159 insertions, 3963 deletions

diff --git a/test/client-add-duplicate-trackers.js b/test/client-add-duplicate-trackers.js
index 70cec07..6c58db7 100644
--- a/test/client-add-duplicate-trackers.js
+++ b/test/client-add-duplicate-trackers.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-var common = require('./common')
 var extend = require('xtend')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../')
 
@@ -11,13 +11,13 @@ test('client.add: duplicate trackers', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var torrent = client.add(common.leaves.torrent, {
+  var torrent = client.add(fixtures.leaves.torrent, {
     announce: [ 'wss://example.com', 'wss://example.com', 'wss://example.com' ]
   })
 
   torrent.on('ready', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI + '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('wss://example.com'))
-    client.remove(common.leaves.magnetURI, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI + '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('wss://example.com'))
+    client.remove(fixtures.leaves.magnetURI, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     client.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'client destroyed') })
   })
 })
@@ -35,15 +35,15 @@ test('client.add: duplicate trackers, with multiple torrents', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var torrent1 = client.add(common.leaves.torrent, opts)
+  var torrent1 = client.add(fixtures.leaves.torrent, opts)
 
   torrent1.on('ready', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent1.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI + '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('wss://example.com'))
+    t.equal(torrent1.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI + '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('wss://example.com'))
 
-    var torrent2 = client.add(common.alice.torrent, opts)
+    var torrent2 = client.add(fixtures.alice.torrent, opts)
 
     torrent2.on('ready', function () {
-      t.equal(torrent2.magnetURI, common.alice.magnetURI + '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('wss://example.com'))
+      t.equal(torrent2.magnetURI, fixtures.alice.magnetURI + '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('wss://example.com'))
 
       torrent1.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent1 destroyed') })
       torrent2.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent2 destroyed') })
@@ -61,10 +61,10 @@ test('client.add: duplicate trackers (including in .torrent file), multiple torr
   }
 
   // Include the duplicate trackers in the .torrent files
-  var parsedTorrentLeaves = extend(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+  var parsedTorrentLeaves = extend(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
   parsedTorrentLeaves.announce = [ 'wss://example.com', 'wss://example.com', 'wss://example.com' ]
 
-  var parsedTorrentAlice = extend(common.alice.parsedTorrent)
+  var parsedTorrentAlice = extend(fixtures.alice.parsedTorrent)
   parsedTorrentAlice.announce = [ 'wss://example.com', 'wss://example.com', 'wss://example.com' ]
 
   var client = new WebTorrent({ dht: false, tracker: false })
@@ -75,12 +75,12 @@ test('client.add: duplicate trackers (including in .torrent file), multiple torr
   var torrent1 = client.add(parsedTorrentLeaves, opts)
 
   torrent1.on('ready', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent1.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI + '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('wss://example.com'))
+    t.equal(torrent1.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI + '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('wss://example.com'))
 
     var torrent2 = client.add(parsedTorrentAlice, opts)
 
     torrent2.on('ready', function () {
-      t.equal(torrent2.magnetURI, common.alice.magnetURI + '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('wss://example.com'))
+      t.equal(torrent2.magnetURI, fixtures.alice.magnetURI + '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('wss://example.com'))
 
       torrent1.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent1 destroyed') })
       torrent2.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent2 destroyed') })
diff --git a/test/client-add.js b/test/client-add.js
index c13f6a6..d30fea0 100644
--- a/test/client-add.js
+++ b/test/client-add.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-var common = require('./common')
 var extend = require('xtend')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../')
 
@@ -11,14 +11,14 @@ test('client.add: magnet uri, utf-8 string', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var torrent = client.add(common.leaves.magnetURI)
+  var torrent = client.add(fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
   t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
 
   torrent.on('infoHash', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
 
-    client.remove(common.leaves.magnetURI, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
+    client.remove(fixtures.leaves.magnetURI, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
 
     client.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'client destroyed') })
@@ -33,14 +33,14 @@ test('client.add: torrent file, buffer', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var torrent = client.add(common.leaves.torrent)
+  var torrent = client.add(fixtures.leaves.torrent)
   t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
 
   torrent.on('infoHash', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
 
-    client.remove(common.leaves.torrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
+    client.remove(fixtures.leaves.torrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
 
     client.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'client destroyed') })
@@ -55,14 +55,14 @@ test('client.add: info hash, hex string', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var torrent = client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+  var torrent = client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
   t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
 
   torrent.on('infoHash', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, 'magnet:?xt=urn:btih:' + common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, 'magnet:?xt=urn:btih:' + fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
 
-    client.remove(common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
+    client.remove(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
 
     client.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'client destroyed') })
@@ -77,14 +77,14 @@ test('client.add: info hash, buffer', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var torrent = client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHashBuffer)
+  var torrent = client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHashBuffer)
   t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
 
   torrent.on('infoHash', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.ok(torrent.magnetURI.indexOf('magnet:?xt=urn:btih:' + common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash) === 0)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.ok(torrent.magnetURI.indexOf('magnet:?xt=urn:btih:' + fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash) === 0)
 
-    client.remove(new Buffer(common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash, 'hex'), function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
+    client.remove(new Buffer(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash, 'hex'), function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
 
     client.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'client destroyed') })
@@ -99,14 +99,14 @@ test('client.add: parsed torrent, from `parse-torrent`', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var torrent = client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+  var torrent = client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
   t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
 
   torrent.on('infoHash', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
 
-    client.remove(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
+    client.remove(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
 
     client.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'client destroyed') })
@@ -121,23 +121,23 @@ test('client.add: parsed torrent, with string type announce property', function
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var parsedTorrent = extend(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+  var parsedTorrent = extend(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
   parsedTorrent.announce = 'http://tracker.local:80'
 
   var torrent = client.add(parsedTorrent)
   t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
 
   torrent.on('infoHash', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
 
-    var expectedMagnetURI = common.leaves.magnetURI +
+    var expectedMagnetURI = fixtures.leaves.magnetURI +
       '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('http://tracker.local:80')
     t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, expectedMagnetURI)
 
     // `torrent.announce` must always be an array
     t.deepEqual(torrent.announce, [ 'http://tracker.local:80' ])
 
-    client.remove(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
+    client.remove(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
 
     client.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'client destroyed') })
@@ -152,23 +152,23 @@ test('client.add: parsed torrent, with array type announce property', function (
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var parsedTorrent = extend(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+  var parsedTorrent = extend(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
   parsedTorrent.announce = [ 'http://tracker.local:80', 'http://tracker.local:81' ]
 
   var torrent = client.add(parsedTorrent)
   t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
 
   torrent.on('infoHash', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
 
-    var expectedMagnetURI = common.leaves.magnetURI +
+    var expectedMagnetURI = fixtures.leaves.magnetURI +
       '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('http://tracker.local:80') +
       '&tr=' + encodeURIComponent('http://tracker.local:81')
     t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, expectedMagnetURI)
 
     t.deepEqual(torrent.announce, [ 'http://tracker.local:80', 'http://tracker.local:81' ])
 
-    client.remove(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
+    client.remove(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
 
     client.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'client destroyed') })
diff --git a/test/client-destroy.js b/test/client-destroy.js
index d2e66b8..deda9f3 100644
--- a/test/client-destroy.js
+++ b/test/client-destroy.js
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-var common = require('./common')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../')
 
@@ -13,7 +13,7 @@ test('after client.destroy(), throw on client.add() or client.seed()', function
   client.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'client destroyed') })
 
   t.throws(function () {
-    client.add('magnet:?xt=urn:btih:' + common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    client.add('magnet:?xt=urn:btih:' + fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
   })
   t.throws(function () {
     client.seed(new Buffer('sup'))
@@ -28,10 +28,10 @@ test('after client.destroy(), no "torrent" or "ready" events emitted', function
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client.add(common.leaves.torrent, { name: 'leaves' }, function () {
+  client.add(fixtures.leaves.torrent, { name: 'leaves' }, function () {
     t.fail('unexpected "torrent" event (from add)')
   })
-  client.seed(common.leaves.content, { name: 'leaves' }, function () {
+  client.seed(fixtures.leaves.content, { name: 'leaves' }, function () {
     t.fail('unexpected "torrent" event (from seed)')
   })
   client.on('ready', function () {
diff --git a/test/client-remove.js b/test/client-remove.js
index ca75674..a62f0cb 100644
--- a/test/client-remove.js
+++ b/test/client-remove.js
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-var common = require('./common')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../')
 
@@ -10,11 +10,11 @@ test('client.remove: remove by Torrent object', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var torrent = client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+  var torrent = client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
   t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
 
   torrent.on('infoHash', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
 
     client.remove(torrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
diff --git a/test/client-seed.js b/test/client-seed.js
index 98ab0d0..1f50d9b 100644
--- a/test/client-seed.js
+++ b/test/client-seed.js
@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 /* global Blob */
 
-var common = require('./common')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../')
 
@@ -12,12 +12,12 @@ test('client.seed: torrent file (Buffer)', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client.seed(common.leaves.content, {
+  client.seed(fixtures.leaves.content, {
     name: 'Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub'
   }, function (torrent) {
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
 
     client.remove(torrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent removed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
@@ -34,13 +34,13 @@ test('client.seed: torrent file (Buffer), set name on buffer', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var buf = new Buffer(common.leaves.content)
+  var buf = new Buffer(fixtures.leaves.content)
   buf.name = 'Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub'
 
   client.seed(buf, function (torrent) {
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
 
     client.remove(torrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent removed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
@@ -59,12 +59,12 @@ test('client.seed: torrent file (Blob)', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client.seed(new Blob([ common.leaves.content ]), {
+  client.seed(new Blob([ fixtures.leaves.content ]), {
     name: 'Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub'
   }, function (torrent) {
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
 
     client.remove(torrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent removed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
diff --git a/test/common.js b/test/common.js
deleted file mode 100644
index 5d36ed0..0000000
--- a/test/common.js
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,52 +0,0 @@
-// Torrent and content test files. Content is Public Domain or Creative Commons.
-
-var fs = require('fs')
-var path = require('path')
-var parseTorrent = require('parse-torrent')
-
-module.exports = {
-  // Leaves of Grass, by Walt Whitman
-  leaves: {
-    contentPath: path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub'),
-    torrentPath: path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'leaves.torrent'),
-    content: fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub')),
-    torrent: fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'leaves.torrent')),
-    parsedTorrent: parseTorrent(fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'leaves.torrent'))),
-    magnetURI: parseTorrent.toMagnetURI(parseTorrent(fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'leaves.torrent'))))
-  },
-
-  // Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
-  alice: {
-    contentPath: path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'alice.txt'),
-    torrentPath: path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'alice.torrent'),
-    content: fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'alice.txt')),
-    torrent: fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'alice.torrent')),
-    parsedTorrent: parseTorrent(fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'alice.torrent'))),
-    magnetURI: parseTorrent.toMagnetURI(parseTorrent(fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'alice.torrent'))))
-  },
-
-  // Folder which contains single file
-  folder: {
-    contentPath: path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'folder'),
-    torrentPath: path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'folder.torrent'),
-    torrent: fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'folder.torrent')),
-    parsedTorrent: parseTorrent(fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'folder.torrent'))),
-    magnetURI: parseTorrent.toMagnetURI(parseTorrent(fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'folder.torrent'))))
-  },
-
-  // Folder which contains multiple files
-  numbers: {
-    contentPath: path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'numbers'),
-    torrentPath: path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'numbers.torrent'),
-    torrent: fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'numbers.torrent')),
-    parsedTorrent: parseTorrent(fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'numbers.torrent'))),
-    magnetURI: parseTorrent.toMagnetURI(parseTorrent(fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'numbers.torrent'))))
-  },
-
-  // Torrent file with "private" flag
-  bunny: {
-    torrentPath: path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'bunny-private.torrent'),
-    torrent: fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'bunny-private.torrent')),
-    parsedTorrent: parseTorrent(fs.readFileSync(path.join(__dirname, 'fixtures', 'bunny-private.torrent')))
-  }
-}
diff --git a/test/fixtures/Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub b/test/fixtures/Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub
deleted file mode 100644
index 66791ed..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub
+++ /dev/null
diff --git a/test/fixtures/alice.torrent b/test/fixtures/alice.torrent
deleted file mode 100644
index 3c8fd90..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/alice.torrent
+++ /dev/null
diff --git a/test/fixtures/alice.txt b/test/fixtures/alice.txt
deleted file mode 100644
index b1803af..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/alice.txt
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,3735 +0,0 @@
-Project Gutenberg's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
-almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
-re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
-with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
-
-
-Title: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
-
-Author: Lewis Carroll
-
-Posting Date: June 25, 2008 [EBook #11]
-Release Date: March, 1994
-[Last updated: December 20, 2011]
-
-Language: English
-
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND ***
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND
-
-Lewis Carroll
-
-THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER I. Down the Rabbit-Hole
-
-Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the
-bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the
-book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in
-it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or
-conversations?'
-
-So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the
-hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure
-of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and
-picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran
-close by her.
-
-There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so
-VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear!
-Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it
-occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time
-it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH
-OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on,
-Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had
-never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch
-to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field
-after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large
-rabbit-hole under the hedge.
-
-In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how
-in the world she was to get out again.
-
-The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then
-dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think
-about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep
-well.
-
-Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had
-plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was
-going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what
-she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she
-looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with
-cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures
-hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as
-she passed; it was labelled 'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great
-disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear
-of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as
-she fell past it.
-
-'Well!' thought Alice to herself, 'after such a fall as this, I shall
-think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at
-home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top
-of the house!' (Which was very likely true.)
-
-Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! 'I wonder how
-many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 'I must be getting
-somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four
-thousand miles down, I think--' (for, you see, Alice had learnt several
-things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this
-was not a VERY good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there
-was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over)
-'--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude
-or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or
-Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.)
-
-Presently she began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right THROUGH the
-earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with
-their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think--' (she was rather glad
-there WAS no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the
-right word) '--but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country
-is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and
-she tried to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling
-through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) 'And what an
-ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to
-ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.'
-
-Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began
-talking again. 'Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!'
-(Dinah was the cat.) 'I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at
-tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no
-mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's very
-like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice
-began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy
-sort of way, 'Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, 'Do
-bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question,
-it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing
-off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with
-Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, 'Now, Dinah, tell me the truth:
-did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon
-a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.
-
-Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment:
-she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another
-long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it.
-There was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the wind, and
-was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, 'Oh my ears
-and whiskers, how late it's getting!' She was close behind it when she
-turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found
-herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging
-from the roof.
-
-There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when
-Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every
-door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to
-get out again.
-
-Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid
-glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice's
-first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall;
-but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small,
-but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second
-time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and
-behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the
-little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!
-
-Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not
-much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage
-into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of
-that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and
-those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head through the
-doorway; 'and even if my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, 'it
-would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could
-shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin.'
-For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately,
-that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really
-impossible.
-
-There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went
-back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at
-any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this
-time she found a little bottle on it, ('which certainly was not here
-before,' said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper
-label, with the words 'DRINK ME' beautifully printed on it in large
-letters.
-
-It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but the wise little Alice was
-not going to do THAT in a hurry. 'No, I'll look first,' she said, 'and
-see whether it's marked "poison" or not'; for she had read several nice
-little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild
-beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they WOULD not remember
-the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot
-poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your
-finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never
-forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison,' it is
-almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.
-
-However, this bottle was NOT marked 'poison,' so Alice ventured to taste
-it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour
-of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot
-buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off.
-
-  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
-
-    *    *    *    *    *    *
-
-  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
-
-'What a curious feeling!' said Alice; 'I must be shutting up like a
-telescope.'
-
-And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face
-brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going
-through the little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she
-waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further:
-she felt a little nervous about this; 'for it might end, you know,' said
-Alice to herself, 'in my going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder
-what I should be like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a
-candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember
-ever having seen such a thing.
-
-After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going
-into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the
-door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she
-went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach
-it: she could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her
-best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery;
-and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing
-sat down and cried.
-
-'Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to herself,
-rather sharply; 'I advise you to leave off this minute!' She generally
-gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it),
-and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into
-her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having
-cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself,
-for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people.
-'But it's no use now,' thought poor Alice, 'to pretend to be two people!
-Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable person!'
-
-Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table:
-she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words
-'EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. 'Well, I'll eat it,' said
-Alice, 'and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it
-makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I'll
-get into the garden, and I don't care which happens!'
-
-She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, 'Which way? Which
-way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was
-growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same
-size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice
-had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way
-things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on
-in the common way.
-
-So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
-
-  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
-
-    *    *    *    *    *    *
-
-  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER II. The Pool of Tears
-
-'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that
-for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English); 'now I'm
-opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!'
-(for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of
-sight, they were getting so far off). 'Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder
-who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure
-_I_ shan't be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble
-myself about you: you must manage the best way you can;--but I must be
-kind to them,' thought Alice, 'or perhaps they won't walk the way I want
-to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.'
-
-And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. 'They must
-go by the carrier,' she thought; 'and how funny it'll seem, sending
-presents to one's own feet! And how odd the directions will look!
-
-     ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.
-       HEARTHRUG,
-         NEAR THE FENDER,
-           (WITH ALICE'S LOVE).
-
-Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'
-
-Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in fact she was
-now more than nine feet high, and she at once took up the little golden
-key and hurried off to the garden door.
-
-Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to
-look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more
-hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again.
-
-'You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, 'a great girl like
-you,' (she might well say this), 'to go on crying in this way! Stop this
-moment, I tell you!' But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of
-tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches
-deep and reaching half down the hall.
-
-After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and
-she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White
-Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in
-one hand and a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great
-hurry, muttering to himself as he came, 'Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess!
-Oh! won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so
-desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit
-came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, 'If you please, sir--'
-The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid gloves and the fan,
-and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go.
-
-Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she
-kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: 'Dear, dear! How
-queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual.
-I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the
-same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a
-little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who
-in the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began thinking
-over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to
-see if she could have been changed for any of them.
-
-'I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, 'for her hair goes in such long
-ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I can't
-be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a
-very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I, and--oh dear, how puzzling
-it all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me
-see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and
-four times seven is--oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate!
-However, the Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography.
-London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and
-Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been changed for
-Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"' and she crossed her
-hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it,
-but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the
-same as they used to do:--
-
-     'How doth the little crocodile
-      Improve his shining tail,
-     And pour the waters of the Nile
-      On every golden scale!
-
-     'How cheerfully he seems to grin,
-      How neatly spread his claws,
-     And welcome little fishes in
-      With gently smiling jaws!'
-
-'I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and her eyes
-filled with tears again as she went on, 'I must be Mabel after all, and
-I shall have to go and live in that poky little house, and have next to
-no toys to play with, and oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, I've
-made up my mind about it; if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no
-use their putting their heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I
-shall only look up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then,
-if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here
-till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a sudden burst
-of tears, 'I do wish they WOULD put their heads down! I am so VERY tired
-of being all alone here!'
-
-As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see
-that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves while
-she was talking. 'How CAN I have done that?' she thought. 'I must
-be growing small again.' She got up and went to the table to measure
-herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now
-about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found
-out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped
-it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
-
-'That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at the
-sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; 'and
-now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed back to the little door:
-but, alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden key was
-lying on the glass table as before, 'and things are worse than ever,'
-thought the poor child, 'for I never was so small as this before, never!
-And I declare it's too bad, that it is!'
-
-As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash!
-she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she
-had somehow fallen into the sea, 'and in that case I can go back by
-railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in
-her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go
-to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the
-sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row
-of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she soon
-made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she
-was nine feet high.
-
-'I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, trying
-to find her way out. 'I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by
-being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer thing, to be sure!
-However, everything is queer to-day.'
-
-Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way
-off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at first she thought
-it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small
-she was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had
-slipped in like herself.
-
-'Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, 'to speak to this mouse?
-Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very
-likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in trying.' So she
-began: 'O Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired
-of swimming about here, O Mouse!' (Alice thought this must be the right
-way of speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but
-she remembered having seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, 'A mouse--of
-a mouse--to a mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather
-inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes,
-but it said nothing.
-
-'Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; 'I daresay it's
-a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror.' (For, with all
-her knowledge of history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago
-anything had happened.) So she began again: 'Ou est ma chatte?' which
-was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a
-sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright.
-'Oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt
-the poor animal's feelings. 'I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'
-
-'Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. 'Would
-YOU like cats if you were me?'
-
-'Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: 'don't be angry
-about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you'd
-take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet
-thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the
-pool, 'and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and
-washing her face--and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's
-such a capital one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried
-Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she
-felt certain it must be really offended. 'We won't talk about her any
-more if you'd rather not.'
-
-'We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his
-tail. 'As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family always HATED
-cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear the name again!'
-
-'I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of
-conversation. 'Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' The Mouse did not
-answer, so Alice went on eagerly: 'There is such a nice little dog near
-our house I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you
-know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it'll fetch things when
-you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts
-of things--I can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer,
-you know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! He
-says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a sorrowful
-tone, 'I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the Mouse was swimming
-away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in
-the pool as it went.
-
-So she called softly after it, 'Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we
-won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't like them!' When the
-Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its
-face was quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low
-trembling voice, 'Let us get to the shore, and then I'll tell you my
-history, and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'
-
-It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the
-birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a Duck and a Dodo,
-a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. Alice led the
-way, and the whole party swam to the shore.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER III. A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
-
-They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank--the
-birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close
-to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.
-
-The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a
-consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural
-to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had
-known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the
-Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, 'I am older than
-you, and must know better'; and this Alice would not allow without
-knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its
-age, there was no more to be said.
-
-At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them,
-called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL soon make you
-dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse
-in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt
-sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
-
-'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all ready? This
-is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William
-the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted
-to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much
-accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of
-Mercia and Northumbria--"'
-
-'Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.
-
-'I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: 'Did
-you speak?'
-
-'Not I!' said the Lory hastily.
-
-'I thought you did,' said the Mouse. '--I proceed. "Edwin and Morcar,
-the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand,
-the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable--"'
-
-'Found WHAT?' said the Duck.
-
-'Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of course you know what
-"it" means.'
-
-'I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the
-Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the
-archbishop find?'
-
-The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, '"--found
-it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the
-crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his
-Normans--" How are you getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning
-to Alice as it spoke.
-
-'As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: 'it doesn't seem to
-dry me at all.'
-
-'In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, 'I move
-that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic
-remedies--'
-
-'Speak English!' said the Eaglet. 'I don't know the meaning of half
-those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either!' And
-the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds
-tittered audibly.
-
-'What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, 'was, that
-the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'
-
-'What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much to know,
-but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY ought to speak,
-and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.
-
-'Why,' said the Dodo, 'the best way to explain it is to do it.' (And, as
-you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell
-you how the Dodo managed it.)
-
-First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ('the exact
-shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party were placed
-along the course, here and there. There was no 'One, two, three, and
-away,' but they began running when they liked, and left off when they
-liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However,
-when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again,
-the Dodo suddenly called out 'The race is over!' and they all crowded
-round it, panting, and asking, 'But who has won?'
-
-This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought,
-and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead
-(the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures
-of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said,
-'EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.'
-
-'But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices asked.
-
-'Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger;
-and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused
-way, 'Prizes! Prizes!'
-
-Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her
-pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had
-not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one
-a-piece all round.
-
-'But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse.
-
-'Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. 'What else have you got in
-your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.
-
-'Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.
-
-'Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.
-
-Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly
-presented the thimble, saying 'We beg your acceptance of this elegant
-thimble'; and, when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered.
-
-Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave
-that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything
-to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she
-could.
-
-The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and
-confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste
-theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back.
-However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and
-begged the Mouse to tell them something more.
-
-'You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, 'and why
-it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half afraid that it
-would be offended again.
-
-'Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and
-sighing.
-
-'It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with wonder at
-the Mouse's tail; 'but why do you call it sad?' And she kept on puzzling
-about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was
-something like this:--
-
-         'Fury said to a
-         mouse, That he
-        met in the
-       house,
-     "Let us
-      both go to
-       law: I will
-        prosecute
-         YOU.--Come,
-           I'll take no
-           denial; We
-          must have a
-        trial: For
-      really this
-     morning I've
-    nothing
-    to do."
-     Said the
-      mouse to the
-       cur, "Such
-        a trial,
-         dear Sir,
-            With
-          no jury
-        or judge,
-       would be
-      wasting
-      our
-      breath."
-       "I'll be
-        judge, I'll
-         be jury,"
-            Said
-         cunning
-          old Fury:
-          "I'll
-          try the
-            whole
-            cause,
-              and
-           condemn
-           you
-          to
-           death."'
-
-
-'You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. 'What are you
-thinking of?'
-
-'I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: 'you had got to the fifth
-bend, I think?'
-
-'I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
-
-'A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking
-anxiously about her. 'Oh, do let me help to undo it!'
-
-'I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up and walking
-away. 'You insult me by talking such nonsense!'
-
-'I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. 'But you're so easily offended,
-you know!'
-
-The Mouse only growled in reply.
-
-'Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after it; and the
-others all joined in chorus, 'Yes, please do!' but the Mouse only shook
-its head impatiently, and walked a little quicker.
-
-'What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it was quite
-out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her
-daughter 'Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose
-YOUR temper!' 'Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the young Crab, a little
-snappishly. 'You're enough to try the patience of an oyster!'
-
-'I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, addressing
-nobody in particular. 'She'd soon fetch it back!'
-
-'And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' said the
-Lory.
-
-Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet:
-'Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice you
-can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why,
-she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!'
-
-This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the
-birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very
-carefully, remarking, 'I really must be getting home; the night-air
-doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to
-its children, 'Come away, my dears! It's high time you were all in bed!'
-On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.
-
-'I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a melancholy
-tone. 'Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's the best
-cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you
-any more!' And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very
-lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard
-a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up
-eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming
-back to finish his story.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER IV. The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
-
-It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking
-anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard
-it muttering to itself 'The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh
-my fur and whiskers! She'll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are
-ferrets! Where CAN I have dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a
-moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves,
-and she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were
-nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her swim in
-the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the little door,
-had vanished completely.
-
-Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and
-called out to her in an angry tone, 'Why, Mary Ann, what ARE you doing
-out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan!
-Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once
-in the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it
-had made.
-
-'He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. 'How
-surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him
-his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' As she said this, she
-came upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass
-plate with the name 'W. RABBIT' engraved upon it. She went in without
-knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the
-real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found the
-fan and gloves.
-
-'How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, 'to be going messages for
-a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next!' And she
-began fancying the sort of thing that would happen: '"Miss Alice! Come
-here directly, and get ready for your walk!" "Coming in a minute,
-nurse! But I've got to see that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't
-think,' Alice went on, 'that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it
-began ordering people about like that!'
-
-By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table
-in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs
-of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves,
-and was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a little
-bottle that stood near the looking-glass. There was no label this time
-with the words 'DRINK ME,' but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it
-to her lips. 'I know SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said
-to herself, 'whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what
-this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really
-I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!'
-
-It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: before she had
-drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the ceiling,
-and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She hastily put
-down the bottle, saying to herself 'That's quite enough--I hope I shan't
-grow any more--As it is, I can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't
-drunk quite so much!'
-
-Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing,
-and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there
-was not even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with
-one elbow against the door, and the other arm curled round her head.
-Still she went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out
-of the window, and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself 'Now I
-can do no more, whatever happens. What WILL become of me?'
-
-Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect,
-and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there
-seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room
-again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
-
-'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't
-always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and
-rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and
-yet--it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what
-CAN have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that
-kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!
-There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I
-grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a sorrowful
-tone; 'at least there's no room to grow up any more HERE.'
-
-'But then,' thought Alice, 'shall I NEVER get any older than I am
-now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman--but
-then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like THAT!'
-
-'Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. 'How can you learn
-lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no room at all
-for any lesson-books!'
-
-And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making
-quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard
-a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
-
-'Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. 'Fetch me my gloves this moment!'
-Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was
-the Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the
-house, quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large
-as the Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.
-
-Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as
-the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it,
-that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself 'Then I'll
-go round and get in at the window.'
-
-'THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she fancied
-she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her
-hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything,
-but she heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass,
-from which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a
-cucumber-frame, or something of the sort.
-
-Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--'Pat! Pat! Where are you?' And
-then a voice she had never heard before, 'Sure then I'm here! Digging
-for apples, yer honour!'
-
-'Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. 'Here! Come and
-help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.)
-
-'Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'
-
-'Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it 'arrum.')
-
-'An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole
-window!'
-
-'Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'
-
-'Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!'
-
-There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear whispers
-now and then; such as, 'Sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at
-all!' 'Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at last she spread out her
-hand again, and made another snatch in the air. This time there were
-TWO little shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. 'What a number of
-cucumber-frames there must be!' thought Alice. 'I wonder what they'll do
-next! As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm
-sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!'
-
-She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at last came a
-rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a good many voices
-all talking together: she made out the words: 'Where's the other
-ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; Bill's got the other--Bill!
-fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up at this corner--No, tie 'em
-together first--they don't reach half high enough yet--Oh! they'll
-do well enough; don't be particular--Here, Bill! catch hold of this
-rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind that loose slate--Oh, it's coming
-down! Heads below!' (a loud crash)--'Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I
-fancy--Who's to go down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I
-won't, then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to
-go down the chimney!'
-
-'Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said Alice to
-herself. 'Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn't be in
-Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but
-I THINK I can kick a little!'
-
-She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and waited
-till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what sort it was)
-scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her: then,
-saying to herself 'This is Bill,' she gave one sharp kick, and waited to
-see what would happen next.
-
-The first thing she heard was a general chorus of 'There goes Bill!'
-then the Rabbit's voice along--'Catch him, you by the hedge!' then
-silence, and then another confusion of voices--'Hold up his head--Brandy
-now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? What happened to you? Tell
-us all about it!'
-
-Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, ('That's Bill,' thought
-Alice,) 'Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm better now--but I'm
-a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know is, something comes at me
-like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!'
-
-'So you did, old fellow!' said the others.
-
-'We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and Alice called
-out as loud as she could, 'If you do. I'll set Dinah at you!'
-
-There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to herself, 'I
-wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any sense, they'd take the
-roof off.' After a minute or two, they began moving about again, and
-Alice heard the Rabbit say, 'A barrowful will do, to begin with.'
-
-'A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt,
-for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the
-window, and some of them hit her in the face. 'I'll put a stop to this,'
-she said to herself, and shouted out, 'You'd better not do that again!'
-which produced another dead silence.
-
-Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into
-little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her
-head. 'If I eat one of these cakes,' she thought, 'it's sure to make
-SOME change in my size; and as it can't possibly make me larger, it must
-make me smaller, I suppose.'
-
-So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find that she
-began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small enough to get through
-the door, she ran out of the house, and found quite a crowd of little
-animals and birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was
-in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it
-something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the moment she
-appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself
-safe in a thick wood.
-
-'The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she wandered
-about in the wood, 'is to grow to my right size again; and the second
-thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. I think that will be
-the best plan.'
-
-It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply
-arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea
-how to set about it; and while she was peering about anxiously among
-the trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a
-great hurry.
-
-An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes, and
-feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. 'Poor little thing!'
-said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it; but
-she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might be
-hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her up in spite of
-all her coaxing.
-
-Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of stick, and
-held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off
-all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick,
-and made believe to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle,
-to keep herself from being run over; and the moment she appeared on the
-other side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head
-over heels in its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was
-very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every
-moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle again; then
-the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick, running a very
-little way forwards each time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely
-all the while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with
-its tongue hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut.
-
-This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she
-set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, and
-till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance.
-
-'And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she leant
-against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the
-leaves: 'I should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if--if I'd
-only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that
-I've got to grow up again! Let me see--how IS it to be managed? I
-suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great
-question is, what?'
-
-The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round her at
-the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that
-looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances.
-There was a large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as
-herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and
-behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what
-was on the top of it.
-
-She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the
-mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar,
-that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long
-hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER V. Advice from a Caterpillar
-
-The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence:
-at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed
-her in a languid, sleepy voice.
-
-'Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.
-
-This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied,
-rather shyly, 'I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--at least I know
-who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been
-changed several times since then.'
-
-'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain
-yourself!'
-
-'I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not
-myself, you see.'
-
-'I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.
-
-'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very politely,
-'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many
-different sizes in a day is very confusing.'
-
-'It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.
-
-'Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; 'but when you
-have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you know--and then
-after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little
-queer, won't you?'
-
-'Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.
-
-'Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; 'all I know
-is, it would feel very queer to ME.'
-
-'You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 'Who are YOU?'
-
-Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation.
-Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such VERY
-short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, 'I think,
-you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.'
-
-'Why?' said the Caterpillar.
-
-Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any
-good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a VERY unpleasant
-state of mind, she turned away.
-
-'Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. 'I've something important
-to say!'
-
-This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again.
-
-'Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar.
-
-'Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she
-could.
-
-'No,' said the Caterpillar.
-
-Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and
-perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. For some
-minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its
-arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, 'So you think
-you're changed, do you?'
-
-'I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; 'I can't remember things as I
-used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!'
-
-'Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar.
-
-'Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it all came
-different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
-
-'Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar.
-
-Alice folded her hands, and began:--
-
-   'You are old, Father William,' the young man said,
-    'And your hair has become very white;
-   And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
-    Do you think, at your age, it is right?'
-
-   'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,
-    'I feared it might injure the brain;
-   But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
-    Why, I do it again and again.'
-
-   'You are old,' said the youth, 'as I mentioned before,
-    And have grown most uncommonly fat;
-   Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door--
-    Pray, what is the reason of that?'
-
-   'In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
-    'I kept all my limbs very supple
-   By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box--
-    Allow me to sell you a couple?'
-
-   'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak
-    For anything tougher than suet;
-   Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
-    Pray how did you manage to do it?'
-
-   'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law,
-    And argued each case with my wife;
-   And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
-    Has lasted the rest of my life.'
-
-   'You are old,' said the youth, 'one would hardly suppose
-    That your eye was as steady as ever;
-   Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
-    What made you so awfully clever?'
-
-   'I have answered three questions, and that is enough,'
-    Said his father; 'don't give yourself airs!
-   Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
-    Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!'
-
-
-'That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.
-
-'Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; 'some of the words
-have got altered.'
-
-'It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar decidedly, and
-there was silence for some minutes.
-
-The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
-
-'What size do you want to be?' it asked.
-
-'Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; 'only one
-doesn't like changing so often, you know.'
-
-'I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar.
-
-Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life
-before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.
-
-'Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.
-
-'Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,'
-said Alice: 'three inches is such a wretched height to be.'
-
-'It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar angrily, rearing
-itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).
-
-'But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And
-she thought of herself, 'I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily
-offended!'
-
-'You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it put the
-hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
-
-This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In
-a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth
-and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down off the
-mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went,
-'One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you
-grow shorter.'
-
-'One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to herself.
-
-'Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it
-aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.
-
-Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying
-to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly
-round, she found this a very difficult question. However, at last she
-stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit
-of the edge with each hand.
-
-'And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a little of
-the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment she felt a violent
-blow underneath her chin: it had struck her foot!
-
-She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt
-that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so she
-set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed
-so closely against her foot, that there was hardly room to open her
-mouth; but she did it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel of the
-lefthand bit.
-
-
-  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
-
-    *    *    *    *    *    *
-
-  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
-
-'Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of delight, which
-changed into alarm in another moment, when she found that her shoulders
-were nowhere to be found: all she could see, when she looked down, was
-an immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a
-sea of green leaves that lay far below her.
-
-'What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice. 'And where HAVE my
-shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you?'
-She was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow,
-except a little shaking among the distant green leaves.
-
-As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head, she
-tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her
-neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had
-just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was going
-to dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops
-of the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made
-her draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and
-was beating her violently with its wings.
-
-'Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon.
-
-'I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. 'Let me alone!'
-
-'Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued tone,
-and added with a kind of sob, 'I've tried every way, and nothing seems
-to suit them!'
-
-'I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said Alice.
-
-'I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried
-hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; 'but those
-serpents! There's no pleasing them!'
-
-Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in
-saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
-
-'As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the Pigeon;
-'but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I
-haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!'
-
-'I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was beginning to
-see its meaning.
-
-'And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued the
-Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, 'and just as I was thinking I
-should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from
-the sky! Ugh, Serpent!'
-
-'But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. 'I'm a--I'm a--'
-
-'Well! WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon. 'I can see you're trying to
-invent something!'
-
-'I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she remembered
-the number of changes she had gone through that day.
-
-'A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest
-contempt. 'I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never ONE
-with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use
-denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an
-egg!'
-
-'I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very truthful
-child; 'but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you
-know.'
-
-'I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; 'but if they do, why then they're
-a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.'
-
-This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a
-minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, 'You're
-looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me
-whether you're a little girl or a serpent?'
-
-'It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; 'but I'm not looking
-for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't
-like them raw.'
-
-'Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled
-down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as well as
-she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and
-every now and then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while she
-remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and
-she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the
-other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had
-succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
-
-It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it
-felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes,
-and began talking to herself, as usual. 'Come, there's half my plan done
-now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going
-to be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right
-size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that
-to be done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open
-place, with a little house in it about four feet high. 'Whoever lives
-there,' thought Alice, 'it'll never do to come upon them THIS size: why,
-I should frighten them out of their wits!' So she began nibbling at the
-righthand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she
-had brought herself down to nine inches high.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER VI. Pig and Pepper
-
-For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering what
-to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the
-wood--(she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery:
-otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called him a
-fish)--and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened
-by another footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a
-frog; and both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all
-over their heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about,
-and crept a little way out of the wood to listen.
-
-The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter,
-nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other,
-saying, in a solemn tone, 'For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen
-to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone,
-only changing the order of the words a little, 'From the Queen. An
-invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.'
-
-Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.
-
-Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the
-wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the
-Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the
-door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
-
-Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
-
-'There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, 'and that for
-two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the door as you
-are; secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one could
-possibly hear you.' And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise
-going on within--a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then
-a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
-
-'Please, then,' said Alice, 'how am I to get in?'
-
-'There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went on
-without attending to her, 'if we had the door between us. For instance,
-if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.'
-He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this
-Alice thought decidedly uncivil. 'But perhaps he can't help it,' she
-said to herself; 'his eyes are so VERY nearly at the top of his head.
-But at any rate he might answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she
-repeated, aloud.
-
-'I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, 'till tomorrow--'
-
-At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came
-skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed his nose,
-and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind him.
-
-'--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly
-as if nothing had happened.
-
-'How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
-
-'ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman. 'That's the first
-question, you know.'
-
-It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. 'It's really
-dreadful,' she muttered to herself, 'the way all the creatures argue.
-It's enough to drive one crazy!'
-
-The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
-remark, with variations. 'I shall sit here,' he said, 'on and off, for
-days and days.'
-
-'But what am I to do?' said Alice.
-
-'Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling.
-
-'Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately: 'he's
-perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in.
-
-The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from
-one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in
-the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring
-a large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.
-
-'There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to herself,
-as well as she could for sneezing.
-
-There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess
-sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling
-alternately without a moment's pause. The only things in the kitchen
-that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on
-the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
-
-'Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for she was
-not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, 'why
-your cat grins like that?'
-
-'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, 'and that's why. Pig!'
-
-She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite
-jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby,
-and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again:--
-
-'I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know
-that cats COULD grin.'
-
-'They all can,' said the Duchess; 'and most of 'em do.'
-
-'I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, feeling quite
-pleased to have got into a conversation.
-
-'You don't know much,' said the Duchess; 'and that's a fact.'
-
-Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would
-be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she
-was trying to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the
-fire, and at once set to work throwing everything within her reach at
-the Duchess and the baby--the fire-irons came first; then followed a
-shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of
-them even when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already,
-that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
-
-'Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up and down in
-an agony of terror. 'Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS nose'; as an unusually
-large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
-
-'If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a hoarse
-growl, 'the world would go round a deal faster than it does.'
-
-'Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very glad to get
-an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. 'Just think of
-what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes
-twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis--'
-
-'Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, 'chop off her head!'
-
-Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take
-the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to
-be listening, so she went on again: 'Twenty-four hours, I THINK; or is
-it twelve? I--'
-
-'Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; 'I never could abide figures!'
-And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of
-lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of
-every line:
-
-   'Speak roughly to your little boy,
-    And beat him when he sneezes:
-   He only does it to annoy,
-    Because he knows it teases.'
-
-         CHORUS.
-
- (In which the cook and the baby joined):--
-
-       'Wow! wow! wow!'
-
-While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing
-the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so,
-that Alice could hardly hear the words:--
-
-   'I speak severely to my boy,
-    I beat him when he sneezes;
-   For he can thoroughly enjoy
-    The pepper when he pleases!'
-
-         CHORUS.
-
-       'Wow! wow! wow!'
-
-'Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said to Alice,
-flinging the baby at her as she spoke. 'I must go and get ready to play
-croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw
-a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.
-
-Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped
-little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, 'just
-like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting
-like a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and
-straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute
-or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
-
-As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to
-twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right
-ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried
-it out into the open air. 'IF I don't take this child away with me,'
-thought Alice, 'they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be
-murder to leave it behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the
-little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time).
-'Don't grunt,' said Alice; 'that's not at all a proper way of expressing
-yourself.'
-
-The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to
-see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had
-a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its
-eyes were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not
-like the look of the thing at all. 'But perhaps it was only sobbing,'
-she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any
-tears.
-
-No, there were no tears. 'If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear,'
-said Alice, seriously, 'I'll have nothing more to do with you. Mind
-now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible
-to say which), and they went on for some while in silence.
-
-Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 'Now, what am I to do with
-this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted again, so violently,
-that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time there could
-be NO mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig, and she
-felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it further.
-
-So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see
-it trot away quietly into the wood. 'If it had grown up,' she said
-to herself, 'it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes
-rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began thinking over other
-children she knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying
-to herself, 'if one only knew the right way to change them--' when she
-was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a
-tree a few yards off.
-
-The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she
-thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great many teeth, so she
-felt that it ought to be treated with respect.
-
-'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know
-whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider.
-'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on. 'Would you
-tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
-
-'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
-
-'I don't much care where--' said Alice.
-
-'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
-
-'--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.
-
-'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long
-enough.'
-
-Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question.
-'What sort of people live about here?'
-
-'In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, 'lives
-a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw, 'lives a March
-Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.'
-
-'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
-
-'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad.
-You're mad.'
-
-'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
-
-'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'
-
-Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on 'And how
-do you know that you're mad?'
-
-'To begin with,' said the Cat, 'a dog's not mad. You grant that?'
-
-'I suppose so,' said Alice.
-
-'Well, then,' the Cat went on, 'you see, a dog growls when it's angry,
-and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and
-wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.'
-
-'I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.
-
-'Call it what you like,' said the Cat. 'Do you play croquet with the
-Queen to-day?'
-
-'I should like it very much,' said Alice, 'but I haven't been invited
-yet.'
-
-'You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished.
-
-Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer
-things happening. While she was looking at the place where it had been,
-it suddenly appeared again.
-
-'By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. 'I'd nearly
-forgotten to ask.'
-
-'It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back
-in a natural way.
-
-'I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again.
-
-Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not
-appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in
-which the March Hare was said to live. 'I've seen hatters before,' she
-said to herself; 'the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and
-perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad--at least not so mad as
-it was in March.' As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat
-again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
-
-'Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat.
-
-'I said pig,' replied Alice; 'and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and
-vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.'
-
-'All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly,
-beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which
-remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
-
-'Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; 'but a grin
-without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!'
-
-She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house
-of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the
-chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It
-was so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had
-nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to
-about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly,
-saying to herself 'Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost
-wish I'd gone to see the Hatter instead!'
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER VII. A Mad Tea-Party
-
-There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the
-March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting
-between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a
-cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. 'Very
-uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' thought Alice; 'only, as it's asleep, I
-suppose it doesn't mind.'
-
-The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at
-one corner of it: 'No room! No room!' they cried out when they saw Alice
-coming. 'There's PLENTY of room!' said Alice indignantly, and she sat
-down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
-
-'Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
-
-Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.
-'I don't see any wine,' she remarked.
-
-'There isn't any,' said the March Hare.
-
-'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice angrily.
-
-'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said
-the March Hare.
-
-'I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; 'it's laid for a great
-many more than three.'
-
-'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice
-for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
-
-'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said with some
-severity; 'it's very rude.'
-
-The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID
-was, 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'
-
-'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they've
-begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she added aloud.
-
-'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the
-March Hare.
-
-'Exactly so,' said Alice.
-
-'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.
-
-'I do,' Alice hastily replied; 'at least--at least I mean what I
-say--that's the same thing, you know.'
-
-'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just as well say
-that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"!'
-
-'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that "I like what I
-get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'
-
-'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be
-talking in his sleep, 'that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing
-as "I sleep when I breathe"!'
-
-'It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the
-conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice
-thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks,
-which wasn't much.
-
-The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 'What day of the month
-is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his
-pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then,
-and holding it to his ear.
-
-Alice considered a little, and then said 'The fourth.'
-
-'Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. 'I told you butter wouldn't suit
-the works!' he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
-
-'It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied.
-
-'Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter grumbled:
-'you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.'
-
-The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped
-it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of
-nothing better to say than his first remark, 'It was the BEST butter,
-you know.'
-
-Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. 'What a
-funny watch!' she remarked. 'It tells the day of the month, and doesn't
-tell what o'clock it is!'
-
-'Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. 'Does YOUR watch tell you what
-year it is?'
-
-'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: 'but that's because it
-stays the same year for such a long time together.'
-
-'Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter.
-
-Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no
-sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. 'I don't quite
-understand you,' she said, as politely as she could.
-
-'The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured a little
-hot tea upon its nose.
-
-The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its
-eyes, 'Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.'
-
-'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice
-again.
-
-'No, I give it up,' Alice replied: 'what's the answer?'
-
-'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.
-
-'Nor I,' said the March Hare.
-
-Alice sighed wearily. 'I think you might do something better with the
-time,' she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'
-
-'If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, 'you wouldn't talk
-about wasting IT. It's HIM.'
-
-'I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.
-
-'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously.
-'I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'
-
-'Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: 'but I know I have to beat time
-when I learn music.'
-
-'Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. 'He won't stand beating.
-Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything
-you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in
-the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a
-hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one,
-time for dinner!'
-
-('I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)
-
-'That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: 'but then--I
-shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'
-
-'Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: 'but you could keep it to
-half-past one as long as you liked.'
-
-'Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked.
-
-The Hatter shook his head mournfully. 'Not I!' he replied. 'We
-quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--' (pointing
-with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) '--it was at the great concert
-given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing
-
-     "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
-     How I wonder what you're at!"
-
-You know the song, perhaps?'
-
-'I've heard something like it,' said Alice.
-
-'It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, 'in this way:--
-
-     "Up above the world you fly,
-     Like a tea-tray in the sky.
-         Twinkle, twinkle--"'
-
-Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep 'Twinkle,
-twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that they had to pinch
-it to make it stop.
-
-'Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, 'when the
-Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the time! Off with his
-head!"'
-
-'How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.
-
-'And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, 'he won't
-do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'
-
-A bright idea came into Alice's head. 'Is that the reason so many
-tea-things are put out here?' she asked.
-
-'Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: 'it's always tea-time,
-and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.'
-
-'Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.
-
-'Exactly so,' said the Hatter: 'as the things get used up.'
-
-'But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice ventured
-to ask.
-
-'Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, yawning.
-'I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.'
-
-'I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at the
-proposal.
-
-'Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. 'Wake up, Dormouse!' And
-they pinched it on both sides at once.
-
-The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. 'I wasn't asleep,' he said in a
-hoarse, feeble voice: 'I heard every word you fellows were saying.'
-
-'Tell us a story!' said the March Hare.
-
-'Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.
-
-'And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, 'or you'll be asleep again
-before it's done.'
-
-'Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the Dormouse began
-in a great hurry; 'and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and
-they lived at the bottom of a well--'
-
-'What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great interest in
-questions of eating and drinking.
-
-'They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or
-two.
-
-'They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently remarked; 'they'd
-have been ill.'
-
-'So they were,' said the Dormouse; 'VERY ill.'
-
-Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of
-living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: 'But
-why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
-
-'Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
-
-'I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, 'so I can't
-take more.'
-
-'You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: 'it's very easy to take
-MORE than nothing.'
-
-'Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice.
-
-'Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked triumphantly.
-
-Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself
-to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and
-repeated her question. 'Why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
-
-The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then
-said, 'It was a treacle-well.'
-
-'There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but the
-Hatter and the March Hare went 'Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse sulkily
-remarked, 'If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the story for
-yourself.'
-
-'No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; 'I won't interrupt again. I
-dare say there may be ONE.'
-
-'One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to
-go on. 'And so these three little sisters--they were learning to draw,
-you know--'
-
-'What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
-
-'Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this time.
-
-'I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: 'let's all move one place
-on.'
-
-He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare
-moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took
-the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any
-advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than
-before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate.
-
-Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very
-cautiously: 'But I don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle
-from?'
-
-'You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; 'so I should
-think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, stupid?'
-
-'But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing to
-notice this last remark.
-
-'Of course they were', said the Dormouse; '--well in.'
-
-This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for
-some time without interrupting it.
-
-'They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing
-its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; 'and they drew all manner of
-things--everything that begins with an M--'
-
-'Why with an M?' said Alice.
-
-'Why not?' said the March Hare.
-
-Alice was silent.
-
-The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into
-a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with
-a little shriek, and went on: '--that begins with an M, such as
-mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness--you know you say
-things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever see such a thing as a
-drawing of a muchness?'
-
-'Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, 'I don't
-think--'
-
-'Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.
-
-This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in
-great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and
-neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she
-looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her:
-the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into
-the teapot.
-
-'At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she picked her
-way through the wood. 'It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all
-my life!'
-
-Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door
-leading right into it. 'That's very curious!' she thought. 'But
-everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.' And in
-she went.
-
-Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little
-glass table. 'Now, I'll manage better this time,' she said to herself,
-and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that
-led into the garden. Then she went to work nibbling at the mushroom (she
-had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot high:
-then she walked down the little passage: and THEN--she found herself at
-last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool
-fountains.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER VIII. The Queen's Croquet-Ground
-
-A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses
-growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily
-painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went
-nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of
-them say, 'Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint over me like
-that!'
-
-'I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; 'Seven jogged my
-elbow.'
-
-On which Seven looked up and said, 'That's right, Five! Always lay the
-blame on others!'
-
-'YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. 'I heard the Queen say only
-yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'
-
-'What for?' said the one who had spoken first.
-
-'That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven.
-
-'Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, 'and I'll tell him--it was for
-bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'
-
-Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun 'Well, of all the unjust
-things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching
-them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also, and
-all of them bowed low.
-
-'Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, 'why you are painting
-those roses?'
-
-Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low
-voice, 'Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a
-RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen
-was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know.
-So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to--' At this
-moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called
-out 'The Queen! The Queen!' and the three gardeners instantly threw
-themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps,
-and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
-
-First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like
-the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the
-corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with
-diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came
-the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came
-jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented
-with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among
-them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried
-nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without
-noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's
-crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand
-procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
-
-Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face
-like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard
-of such a rule at processions; 'and besides, what would be the use of
-a procession,' thought she, 'if people had all to lie down upon their
-faces, so that they couldn't see it?' So she stood still where she was,
-and waited.
-
-When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked
-at her, and the Queen said severely 'Who is this?' She said it to the
-Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.
-
-'Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to
-Alice, she went on, 'What's your name, child?'
-
-'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very politely;
-but she added, to herself, 'Why, they're only a pack of cards, after
-all. I needn't be afraid of them!'
-
-'And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who
-were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as they were lying on their
-faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the
-pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or
-courtiers, or three of her own children.
-
-'How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. 'It's no
-business of MINE.'
-
-The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a
-moment like a wild beast, screamed 'Off with her head! Off--'
-
-'Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was
-silent.
-
-The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said 'Consider, my
-dear: she is only a child!'
-
-The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave 'Turn them
-over!'
-
-The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
-
-'Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three
-gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen,
-the royal children, and everybody else.
-
-'Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. 'You make me giddy.' And then,
-turning to the rose-tree, she went on, 'What HAVE you been doing here?'
-
-'May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, going
-down on one knee as he spoke, 'we were trying--'
-
-'I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses.
-'Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, three of the
-soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran
-to Alice for protection.
-
-'You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a large
-flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a
-minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the
-others.
-
-'Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.
-
-'Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers shouted
-in reply.
-
-'That's right!' shouted the Queen. 'Can you play croquet?'
-
-The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was
-evidently meant for her.
-
-'Yes!' shouted Alice.
-
-'Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession,
-wondering very much what would happen next.
-
-'It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. She was
-walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
-
-'Very,' said Alice: '--where's the Duchess?'
-
-'Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked
-anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon
-tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered 'She's under
-sentence of execution.'
-
-'What for?' said Alice.
-
-'Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.
-
-'No, I didn't,' said Alice: 'I don't think it's at all a pity. I said
-"What for?"'
-
-'She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little
-scream of laughter. 'Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a frightened
-tone. 'The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the
-Queen said--'
-
-'Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and
-people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each
-other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game
-began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in
-her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs,
-the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves
-up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
-
-The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo:
-she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under
-her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got
-its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a
-blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face,
-with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out
-laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin
-again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
-itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was
-generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the
-hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up
-and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the
-conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
-
-The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling
-all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short
-time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and
-shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her head!' about once in a
-minute.
-
-Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any
-dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute,
-'and then,' thought she, 'what would become of me? They're dreadfully
-fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one
-left alive!'
-
-She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she
-could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance
-in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it
-a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself
-'It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.'
-
-'How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
-enough for it to speak with.
-
-Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 'It's no use
-speaking to it,' she thought, 'till its ears have come, or at least one
-of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put
-down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad
-she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was
-enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
-
-'I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather a
-complaining tone, 'and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear
-oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in particular;
-at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and you've no idea how
-confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the
-arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the
-ground--and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only
-it ran away when it saw mine coming!'
-
-'How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.
-
-'Not at all,' said Alice: 'she's so extremely--' Just then she noticed
-that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on,
-'--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.'
-
-The Queen smiled and passed on.
-
-'Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and looking
-at the Cat's head with great curiosity.
-
-'It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: 'allow me to
-introduce it.'
-
-'I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: 'however, it may
-kiss my hand if it likes.'
-
-'I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.
-
-'Don't be impertinent,' said the King, 'and don't look at me like that!'
-He got behind Alice as he spoke.
-
-'A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. 'I've read that in some book,
-but I don't remember where.'
-
-'Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and he called
-the Queen, who was passing at the moment, 'My dear! I wish you would
-have this cat removed!'
-
-The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small.
-'Off with his head!' she said, without even looking round.
-
-'I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and he
-hurried off.
-
-Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going
-on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with
-passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be
-executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look
-of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew
-whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
-
-The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed
-to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the
-other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the
-other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless
-sort of way to fly up into a tree.
-
-By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight
-was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: 'but it doesn't
-matter much,' thought Alice, 'as all the arches are gone from this side
-of the ground.' So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not
-escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her
-friend.
-
-When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a
-large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between
-the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once,
-while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
-
-The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle
-the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they
-all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly
-what they said.
-
-The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless
-there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a
-thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at HIS time of life.
-
-The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
-beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
-
-The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less
-than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last
-remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
-
-Alice could think of nothing else to say but 'It belongs to the Duchess:
-you'd better ask HER about it.'
-
-'She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: 'fetch her here.'
-And the executioner went off like an arrow.
-
- The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,
-by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely
-disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down
-looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER IX. The Mock Turtle's Story
-
-'You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!'
-said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and
-they walked off together.
-
-Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought
-to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so
-savage when they met in the kitchen.
-
-'When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone
-though), 'I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does very
-well without--Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,'
-she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of
-rule, 'and vinegar that makes them sour--and camomile that makes
-them bitter--and--and barley-sugar and such things that make children
-sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so
-stingy about it, you know--'
-
-She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little
-startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. 'You're thinking
-about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't
-tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in
-a bit.'
-
-'Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.
-
-'Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. 'Everything's got a moral, if only
-you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as
-she spoke.
-
-Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
-Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the
-right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an
-uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she
-bore it as well as she could.
-
-'The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of keeping up
-the conversation a little.
-
-''Tis so,' said the Duchess: 'and the moral of that is--"Oh, 'tis love,
-'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'
-
-'Somebody said,' Alice whispered, 'that it's done by everybody minding
-their own business!'
-
-'Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, digging her
-sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, 'and the moral
-of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
-themselves."'
-
-'How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to herself.
-
-'I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist,'
-the Duchess said after a pause: 'the reason is, that I'm doubtful about
-the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?'
-
-'HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to
-have the experiment tried.
-
-'Very true,' said the Duchess: 'flamingoes and mustard both bite. And
-the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock together."'
-
-'Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.
-
-'Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: 'what a clear way you have of
-putting things!'
-
-'It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice.
-
-'Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
-everything that Alice said; 'there's a large mustard-mine near here. And
-the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the less there is of
-yours."'
-
-'Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark,
-'it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.'
-
-'I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; 'and the moral of that
-is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more
-simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might
-appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise
-than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."'
-
-'I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, 'if
-I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.'
-
-'That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess replied, in
-a pleased tone.
-
-'Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' said
-Alice.
-
-'Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. 'I make you a present
-of everything I've said as yet.'
-
-'A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they don't give
-birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to say it out
-loud.
-
-'Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp
-little chin.
-
-'I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to
-feel a little worried.
-
-'Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, 'as pigs have to fly; and
-the m--'
-
-But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even
-in the middle of her favourite word 'moral,' and the arm that was linked
-into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen
-in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.
-
-'A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
-
-'Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on the
-ground as she spoke; 'either you or your head must be off, and that in
-about half no time! Take your choice!'
-
-The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
-
-'Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was
-too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
-croquet-ground.
-
-The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were
-resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried
-back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would
-cost them their lives.
-
-All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with
-the other players, and shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her
-head!' Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers,
-who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by
-the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the
-players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and
-under sentence of execution.
-
-Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, 'Have
-you seen the Mock Turtle yet?'
-
-'No,' said Alice. 'I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.'
-
-'It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen.
-
-'I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.
-
-'Come on, then,' said the Queen, 'and he shall tell you his history,'
-
-As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice,
-to the company generally, 'You are all pardoned.' 'Come, THAT'S a good
-thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the
-number of executions the Queen had ordered.
-
-They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun.
-(IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) 'Up, lazy
-thing!' said the Queen, 'and take this young lady to see the Mock
-Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some
-executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with
-the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look of the creature, but on
-the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go
-after that savage Queen: so she waited.
-
-The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till
-she was out of sight: then it chuckled. 'What fun!' said the Gryphon,
-half to itself, half to Alice.
-
-'What IS the fun?' said Alice.
-
-'Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. 'It's all her fancy, that: they never
-executes nobody, you know. Come on!'
-
-'Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went slowly
-after it: 'I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!'
-
-They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance,
-sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came
-nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She
-pitied him deeply. 'What is his sorrow?' she asked the Gryphon, and the
-Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, 'It's all his
-fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!'
-
-So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes
-full of tears, but said nothing.
-
-'This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, 'she wants for to know your
-history, she do.'
-
-'I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: 'sit
-down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.'
-
-So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to
-herself, 'I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn't begin.' But
-she waited patiently.
-
-'Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, 'I was a real
-Turtle.'
-
-These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an
-occasional exclamation of 'Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and the constant
-heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and
-saying, 'Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,' but she could
-not help thinking there MUST be more to come, so she sat still and said
-nothing.
-
-'When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly,
-though still sobbing a little now and then, 'we went to school in the
-sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call him Tortoise--'
-
-'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.
-
-'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle
-angrily: 'really you are very dull!'
-
-'You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,'
-added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor
-Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said
-to the Mock Turtle, 'Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!'
-and he went on in these words:
-
-'Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it--'
-
-'I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.
-
-'You did,' said the Mock Turtle.
-
-'Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again.
-The Mock Turtle went on.
-
-'We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day--'
-
-'I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; 'you needn't be so proud
-as all that.'
-
-'With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
-
-'Yes,' said Alice, 'we learned French and music.'
-
-'And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.
-
-'Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.
-
-'Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock Turtle in
-a tone of great relief. 'Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill,
-"French, music, AND WASHING--extra."'
-
-'You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; 'living at the bottom of
-the sea.'
-
-'I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. 'I
-only took the regular course.'
-
-'What was that?' inquired Alice.
-
-'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle
-replied; 'and then the different branches of Arithmetic--Ambition,
-Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'
-
-'I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. 'What is it?'
-
-The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. 'What! Never heard of
-uglifying!' it exclaimed. 'You know what to beautify is, I suppose?'
-
-'Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: 'it means--to--make--anything--prettier.'
-
-'Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, 'if you don't know what to uglify is,
-you ARE a simpleton.'
-
-Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she
-turned to the Mock Turtle, and said 'What else had you to learn?'
-
-'Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting off
-the subjects on his flappers, '--Mystery, ancient and modern, with
-Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
-that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and
-Fainting in Coils.'
-
-'What was THAT like?' said Alice.
-
-'Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: 'I'm too
-stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.'
-
-'Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: 'I went to the Classics master, though.
-He was an old crab, HE was.'
-
-'I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: 'he taught
-Laughing and Grief, they used to say.'
-
-'So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both
-creatures hid their faces in their paws.
-
-'And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a hurry to
-change the subject.
-
-'Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: 'nine the next, and so
-on.'
-
-'What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.
-
-'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon remarked:
-'because they lessen from day to day.'
-
-This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little
-before she made her next remark. 'Then the eleventh day must have been a
-holiday?'
-
-'Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.
-
-'And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly.
-
-'That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided
-tone: 'tell her something about the games now.'
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER X. The Lobster Quadrille
-
-The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across
-his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or
-two sobs choked his voice. 'Same as if he had a bone in his throat,'
-said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in
-the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears
-running down his cheeks, he went on again:--
-
-'You may not have lived much under the sea--' ('I haven't,' said
-Alice)--'and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--'
-(Alice began to say 'I once tasted--' but checked herself hastily, and
-said 'No, never') '--so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a
-Lobster Quadrille is!'
-
-'No, indeed,' said Alice. 'What sort of a dance is it?'
-
-'Why,' said the Gryphon, 'you first form into a line along the
-sea-shore--'
-
-'Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. 'Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on;
-then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way--'
-
-'THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon.
-
-'--you advance twice--'
-
-'Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.
-
-'Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: 'advance twice, set to partners--'
-
-'--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the Gryphon.
-
-'Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, 'you throw the--'
-
-'The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
-
-'--as far out to sea as you can--'
-
-'Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.
-
-'Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly
-about.
-
-'Change lobsters again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.
-
-'Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the Mock
-Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had been
-jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again very sadly
-and quietly, and looked at Alice.
-
-'It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.
-
-'Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle.
-
-'Very much indeed,' said Alice.
-
-'Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon.
-'We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?'
-
-'Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon. 'I've forgotten the words.'
-
-So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and
-then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their
-forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly
-and sadly:--
-
- '"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.
- "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.
-
- See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
- They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance?
-
- Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
- Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
-
- "You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
- When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!"
- But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look askance--
- Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
-
- Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
- Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.
-
- '"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
- "There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
- The further off from England the nearer is to France--
- Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
-
- Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
- Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?"'
-
-'Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said Alice, feeling
-very glad that it was over at last: 'and I do so like that curious song
-about the whiting!'
-
-'Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, 'they--you've seen them,
-of course?'
-
-'Yes,' said Alice, 'I've often seen them at dinn--' she checked herself
-hastily.
-
-'I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, 'but if you've
-seen them so often, of course you know what they're like.'
-
-'I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. 'They have their tails in
-their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'
-
-'You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: 'crumbs would all
-wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails in their mouths; and the
-reason is--' here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes.--'Tell her
-about the reason and all that,' he said to the Gryphon.
-
-'The reason is,' said the Gryphon, 'that they WOULD go with the lobsters
-to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long
-way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't get
-them out again. That's all.'
-
-'Thank you,' said Alice, 'it's very interesting. I never knew so much
-about a whiting before.'
-
-'I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the Gryphon. 'Do you
-know why it's called a whiting?'
-
-'I never thought about it,' said Alice. 'Why?'
-
-'IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very solemnly.
-
-Alice was thoroughly puzzled. 'Does the boots and shoes!' she repeated
-in a wondering tone.
-
-'Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. 'I mean, what
-makes them so shiny?'
-
-Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her
-answer. 'They're done with blacking, I believe.'
-
-'Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep voice,
-'are done with a whiting. Now you know.'
-
-'And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
-
-'Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather impatiently:
-'any shrimp could have told you that.'
-
-'If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were still running
-on the song, 'I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep back, please: we
-don't want YOU with us!"'
-
-'They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle said: 'no
-wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'
-
-'Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise.
-
-'Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: 'why, if a fish came to ME, and
-told me he was going a journey, I should say "With what porpoise?"'
-
-'Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.
-
-'I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And
-the Gryphon added 'Come, let's hear some of YOUR adventures.'
-
-'I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' said
-Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to yesterday,
-because I was a different person then.'
-
-'Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.
-
-'No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an impatient tone:
-'explanations take such a dreadful time.'
-
-So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first
-saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first,
-the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened
-their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she gained courage as she went
-on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part about
-her repeating 'YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the
-words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath,
-and said 'That's very curious.'
-
-'It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon.
-
-'It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. 'I
-should like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to
-begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of
-authority over Alice.
-
-'Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said the
-Gryphon.
-
-'How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!'
-thought Alice; 'I might as well be at school at once.' However, she
-got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster
-Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came
-very queer indeed:--
-
-  ''Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
-  "You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
-  As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
-  Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'
-
-       [later editions continued as follows
-  When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
-  And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
-  But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
-  His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
-
-'That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' said the
-Gryphon.
-
-'Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; 'but it sounds
-uncommon nonsense.'
-
-Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands,
-wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way again.
-
-'I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle.
-
-'She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. 'Go on with the next
-verse.'
-
-'But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. 'How COULD he turn them
-out with his nose, you know?'
-
-'It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was dreadfully
-puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
-
-'Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently: 'it
-begins "I passed by his garden."'
-
-Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come
-wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--
-
-  'I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
-  How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--'
-
-    [later editions continued as follows
-  The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
-  While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
-  When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
-  Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
-  While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
-  And concluded the banquet--]
-
-'What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle
-interrupted, 'if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most
-confusing thing I ever heard!'
-
-'Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and Alice was
-only too glad to do so.
-
-'Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the Gryphon went
-on. 'Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?'
-
-'Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' Alice
-replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone,
-'Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle Soup," will you, old
-fellow?'
-
-The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked
-with sobs, to sing this:--
-
-   'Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
-   Waiting in a hot tureen!
-   Who for such dainties would not stoop?
-   Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
-   Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
-     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
-     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
-   Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
-     Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
-
-   'Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
-   Game, or any other dish?
-   Who would not give all else for two
-   Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
-   Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
-     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
-     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
-   Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
-     Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!'
-
-'Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun
-to repeat it, when a cry of 'The trial's beginning!' was heard in the
-distance.
-
-'Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried
-off, without waiting for the end of the song.
-
-'What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only
-answered 'Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more faintly
-came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:--
-
-   'Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
-     Beautiful, beautiful Soup!'
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XI. Who Stole the Tarts?
-
-The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they
-arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts of little
-birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was
-standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard
-him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand,
-and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court
-was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good,
-that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them--'I wish they'd get the
-trial done,' she thought, 'and hand round the refreshments!' But there
-seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about
-her, to pass away the time.
-
-Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read
-about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew
-the name of nearly everything there. 'That's the judge,' she said to
-herself, 'because of his great wig.'
-
-The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the
-wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did
-not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
-
-'And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, 'and those twelve creatures,'
-(she was obliged to say 'creatures,' you see, because some of them were
-animals, and some were birds,) 'I suppose they are the jurors.' She said
-this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of
-it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her
-age knew the meaning of it at all. However, 'jury-men' would have done
-just as well.
-
-The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. 'What are they
-doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. 'They can't have anything to put
-down yet, before the trial's begun.'
-
-'They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, 'for
-fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.'
-
-'Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped
-hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, 'Silence in the court!' and the
-King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who
-was talking.
-
-Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders,
-that all the jurors were writing down 'stupid things!' on their slates,
-and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell
-'stupid,' and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. 'A nice
-muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!' thought Alice.
-
-One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice
-could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and
-very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly
-that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out
-at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was
-obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was
-of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
-
-'Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.
-
-On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then
-unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--
-
-   'The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
-      All on a summer day:
-    The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
-      And took them quite away!'
-
-'Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.
-
-'Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 'There's a great
-deal to come before that!'
-
-'Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three
-blasts on the trumpet, and called out, 'First witness!'
-
-The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one
-hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. 'I beg pardon, your
-Majesty,' he began, 'for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished
-my tea when I was sent for.'
-
-'You ought to have finished,' said the King. 'When did you begin?'
-
-The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the
-court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. 'Fourteenth of March, I think it
-was,' he said.
-
-'Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.
-
-'Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.
-
-'Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly
-wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
-reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
-
-'Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.
-
-'It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.
-
-'Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a
-memorandum of the fact.
-
-'I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; 'I've none of
-my own. I'm a hatter.'
-
-Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter,
-who turned pale and fidgeted.
-
-'Give your evidence,' said the King; 'and don't be nervous, or I'll have
-you executed on the spot.'
-
-This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting
-from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in
-his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the
-bread-and-butter.
-
-Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled
-her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to
-grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave
-the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as
-long as there was room for her.
-
-'I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was sitting
-next to her. 'I can hardly breathe.'
-
-'I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: 'I'm growing.'
-
-'You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.
-
-'Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: 'you know you're growing
-too.'
-
-'Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse: 'not in that
-ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the
-other side of the court.
-
-All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and,
-just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers
-of the court, 'Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!' on
-which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
-
-'Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, 'or I'll have you
-executed, whether you're nervous or not.'
-
-'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a trembling voice,
-'--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week or so--and what with the
-bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--'
-
-'The twinkling of the what?' said the King.
-
-'It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.
-
-'Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply. 'Do you
-take me for a dunce? Go on!'
-
-'I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, 'and most things twinkled after
-that--only the March Hare said--'
-
-'I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
-
-'You did!' said the Hatter.
-
-'I deny it!' said the March Hare.
-
-'He denies it,' said the King: 'leave out that part.'
-
-'Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on, looking
-anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
-nothing, being fast asleep.
-
-'After that,' continued the Hatter, 'I cut some more bread-and-butter--'
-
-'But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.
-
-'That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.
-
-'You MUST remember,' remarked the King, 'or I'll have you executed.'
-
-The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went
-down on one knee. 'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he began.
-
-'You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.
-
-Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by
-the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just
-explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied
-up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig,
-head first, and then sat upon it.)
-
-'I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. 'I've so often read
-in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts
-at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
-court," and I never understood what it meant till now.'
-
-'If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' continued the
-King.
-
-'I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: 'I'm on the floor, as it is.'
-
-'Then you may SIT down,' the King replied.
-
-Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
-
-'Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. 'Now we shall get
-on better.'
-
-'I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the
-Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
-
-'You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court,
-without even waiting to put his shoes on.
-
-'--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one of the
-officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get
-to the door.
-
-'Call the next witness!' said the King.
-
-The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in
-her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the
-court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.
-
-'Give your evidence,' said the King.
-
-'Shan't,' said the cook.
-
-The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice,
-'Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.'
-
-'Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy air, and,
-after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were
-nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, 'What are tarts made of?'
-
-'Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.
-
-'Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.
-
-'Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. 'Behead that Dormouse!
-Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his
-whiskers!'
-
-For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse
-turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had
-disappeared.
-
-'Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. 'Call the next
-witness.' And he added in an undertone to the Queen, 'Really, my dear,
-YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead
-ache!'
-
-Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very
-curious to see what the next witness would be like, '--for they haven't
-got much evidence YET,' she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when
-the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the
-name 'Alice!'
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER XII. Alice's Evidence
-
-
-'Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how
-large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such
-a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt,
-upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there
-they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish
-she had accidentally upset the week before.
-
-'Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and
-began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident of
-the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea
-that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or
-they would die.
-
-'The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave voice, 'until
-all the jurymen are back in their proper places--ALL,' he repeated with
-great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said do.
-
-Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put
-the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its
-tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got
-it out again, and put it right; 'not that it signifies much,' she said
-to herself; 'I should think it would be QUITE as much use in the trial
-one way up as the other.'
-
-As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being
-upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to
-them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the
-accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
-anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the
-court.
-
-'What do you know about this business?' the King said to Alice.
-
-'Nothing,' said Alice.
-
-'Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King.
-
-'Nothing whatever,' said Alice.
-
-'That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. They were
-just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit
-interrupted: 'UNimportant, your Majesty means, of course,' he said in a
-very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.
-
-'UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and went on
-to himself in an undertone,
-
-'important--unimportant--unimportant--important--' as if he were trying
-which word sounded best.
-
-Some of the jury wrote it down 'important,' and some 'unimportant.'
-Alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates;
-'but it doesn't matter a bit,' she thought to herself.
-
-At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in
-his note-book, cackled out 'Silence!' and read out from his book, 'Rule
-Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.'
-
-Everybody looked at Alice.
-
-'I'M not a mile high,' said Alice.
-
-'You are,' said the King.
-
-'Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.
-
-'Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: 'besides, that's not a
-regular rule: you invented it just now.'
-
-'It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.
-
-'Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.
-
-The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. 'Consider your
-verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice.
-
-'There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said the White
-Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; 'this paper has just been picked
-up.'
-
-'What's in it?' said the Queen.
-
-'I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, 'but it seems to be a
-letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody.'
-
-'It must have been that,' said the King, 'unless it was written to
-nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'
-
-'Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.
-
-'It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; 'in fact, there's
-nothing written on the OUTSIDE.' He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and
-added 'It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verses.'
-
-'Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of the jurymen.
-
-'No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, 'and that's the queerest thing
-about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.)
-
-'He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. (The jury
-all brightened up again.)
-
-'Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, 'I didn't write it, and they
-can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.'
-
-'If you didn't sign it,' said the King, 'that only makes the matter
-worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your
-name like an honest man.'
-
-There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really
-clever thing the King had said that day.
-
-'That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen.
-
-'It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. 'Why, you don't even know
-what they're about!'
-
-'Read them,' said the King.
-
-The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, please
-your Majesty?' he asked.
-
-'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you
-come to the end: then stop.'
-
-These were the verses the White Rabbit read:--
-
-   'They told me you had been to her,
-    And mentioned me to him:
-   She gave me a good character,
-    But said I could not swim.
-
-   He sent them word I had not gone
-    (We know it to be true):
-   If she should push the matter on,
-    What would become of you?
-
-   I gave her one, they gave him two,
-    You gave us three or more;
-   They all returned from him to you,
-    Though they were mine before.
-
-   If I or she should chance to be
-    Involved in this affair,
-   He trusts to you to set them free,
-    Exactly as we were.
-
-   My notion was that you had been
-    (Before she had this fit)
-   An obstacle that came between
-    Him, and ourselves, and it.
-
-   Don't let him know she liked them best,
-    For this must ever be
-   A secret, kept from all the rest,
-    Between yourself and me.'
-
-'That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' said the
-King, rubbing his hands; 'so now let the jury--'
-
-'If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had grown so large
-in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting
-him,) 'I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't believe there's an atom of
-meaning in it.'
-
-The jury all wrote down on their slates, 'SHE doesn't believe there's an
-atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to explain the paper.
-
-'If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, 'that saves a world of
-trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know,'
-he went on, spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking at them
-with one eye; 'I seem to see some meaning in them, after all. "--SAID
-I COULD NOT SWIM--" you can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the
-Knave.
-
-The Knave shook his head sadly. 'Do I look like it?' he said. (Which he
-certainly did NOT, being made entirely of cardboard.)
-
-'All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering over
-the verses to himself: '"WE KNOW IT TO BE TRUE--" that's the jury, of
-course--"I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO--" why, that must be what he
-did with the tarts, you know--'
-
-'But, it goes on "THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU,"' said Alice.
-
-'Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to the tarts
-on the table. 'Nothing can be clearer than THAT. Then again--"BEFORE SHE
-HAD THIS FIT--" you never had fits, my dear, I think?' he said to the
-Queen.
-
-'Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the Lizard
-as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his
-slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark; but he now hastily
-began again, using the ink, that was trickling down his face, as long as
-it lasted.)
-
-'Then the words don't FIT you,' said the King, looking round the court
-with a smile. There was a dead silence.
-
-'It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed,
-'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the King said, for about the
-twentieth time that day.
-
-'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first--verdict afterwards.'
-
-'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. 'The idea of having the
-sentence first!'
-
-'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.
-
-'I won't!' said Alice.
-
-'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody
-moved.
-
-'Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full size by this
-time.) 'You're nothing but a pack of cards!'
-
-At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon
-her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and
-tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her
-head in the lap of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead
-leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face.
-
-'Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; 'Why, what a long sleep you've
-had!'
-
-'Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told her
-sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange Adventures
-of hers that you have just been reading about; and when she had
-finished, her sister kissed her, and said, 'It WAS a curious dream,
-dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late.' So
-Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might,
-what a wonderful dream it had been.
-
-But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her head on her
-hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all her
-wonderful Adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion, and
-this was her dream:--
-
-First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the tiny
-hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes were looking
-up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her voice, and see that
-queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering hair that
-WOULD always get into her eyes--and still as she listened, or seemed to
-listen, the whole place around her became alive with the strange creatures
-of her little sister's dream.
-
-The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried by--the
-frightened Mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool--she
-could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends
-shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen
-ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution--once more the pig-baby
-was sneezing on the Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed
-around it--once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the
-Lizard's slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs,
-filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock
-Turtle.
-
-So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in
-Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all
-would change to dull reality--the grass would be only rustling in the
-wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds--the rattling
-teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, and the Queen's shrill
-cries to the voice of the shepherd boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the
-shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change (she
-knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing
-of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's
-heavy sobs.
-
-Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers
-would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would
-keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her
-childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and
-make THEIR eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even
-with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with
-all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,
-remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
-
-              THE END
-
-
-
-
-
-End of Project Gutenberg's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
-
-*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND ***
-
-***** This file should be named 11.txt or 11.zip *****
-This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
-        http://www.gutenberg.org/1/11/
-
-
-
-Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
-will be renamed.
-
-Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
-one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
-(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
-permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
-set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
-copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
-protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
-Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
-charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
-do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
-rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
-such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
-research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
-practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
-subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
-redistribution.
-
-
-
-*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
-
-THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
-PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
-
-To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
-distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
-(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
-Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
-Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
-http://gutenberg.org/license).
-
-
-Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
-electronic works
-
-1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
-electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
-and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
-(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
-the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
-all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
-If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
-Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
-terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
-entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
-
-1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
-used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
-agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
-things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
-even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
-paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
-Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
-and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
-works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
-
-1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
-or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
-Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
-collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
-individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
-located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
-copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
-works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
-are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
-Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
-freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
-this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
-the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
-keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
-Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
-
-1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
-what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
-a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
-the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
-before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
-creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
-Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
-the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
-States.
-
-1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
-
-1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
-access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
-whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
-phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
-Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
-copied or distributed:
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
-almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
-re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
-with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
-
-1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
-from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
-posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
-and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
-or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
-with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
-work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
-through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
-Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
-1.E.9.
-
-1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
-with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
-must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
-terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
-to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
-permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
-
-1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
-License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
-work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
-
-1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
-electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
-prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
-active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
-Gutenberg-tm License.
-
-1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
-compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
-word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
-distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
-"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
-posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
-you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
-copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
-request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
-form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
-License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
-
-1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
-performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
-unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
-
-1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
-access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
-that
-
-- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
-     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
-     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
-     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
-     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
-     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
-     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
-     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
-     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
-     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
-     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
-     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
-
-- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
-     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
-     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
-     License.  You must require such a user to return or
-     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
-     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
-     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
-
-- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
-     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
-     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
-     of receipt of the work.
-
-- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
-     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
-
-1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
-electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
-forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
-both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
-Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
-Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
-
-1.F.
-
-1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
-effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
-public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
-collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
-works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
-"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
-corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
-property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
-computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
-your equipment.
-
-1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
-of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
-Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
-Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
-Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
-liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
-fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
-LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
-PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
-TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
-LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
-INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
-DAMAGE.
-
-1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
-defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
-receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
-written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
-received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
-your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
-the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
-refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
-providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
-receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
-is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
-opportunities to fix the problem.
-
-1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
-in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
-WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
-WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
-
-1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
-warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
-If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
-law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
-interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
-the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
-provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
-
-1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
-trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
-providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
-with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
-promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
-harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
-that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
-or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
-work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
-Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
-
-
-Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
-
-Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
-electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
-including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
-because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
-people in all walks of life.
-
-Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
-assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
-goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
-remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
-Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
-and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
-To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
-and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
-and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
-
-
-Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
-Foundation
-
-The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
-501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
-state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
-Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
-number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
-http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
-Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
-permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
-
-The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
-Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
-throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
-809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
-business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
-information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
-page at http://pglaf.org
-
-For additional contact information:
-     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
-     Chief Executive and Director
-     gbnewby@pglaf.org
-
-
-Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
-Literary Archive Foundation
-
-Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
-spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
-increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
-freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
-array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
-($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
-status with the IRS.
-
-The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
-charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
-States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
-considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
-with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
-where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
-SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
-particular state visit http://pglaf.org
-
-While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
-have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
-against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
-approach us with offers to donate.
-
-International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
-any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
-outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
-
-Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
-methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
-ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
-To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
-
-
-Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
-works.
-
-Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
-concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
-with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
-Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
-
-
-Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
-editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
-unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
-keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
-
-
-Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
-
-     http://www.gutenberg.org
-
-This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
-including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
-Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
-subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/test/fixtures/blocklist.txt b/test/fixtures/blocklist.txt
deleted file mode 100644
index 167627d..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/blocklist.txt
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,2 +0,0 @@
-Blah blah description:1.2.3.0-1.2.3.255
-Blah blah different description:5.6.7.0-5.6.7.255
diff --git a/test/fixtures/blocklist.txt.gz b/test/fixtures/blocklist.txt.gz
deleted file mode 100644
index 5f401ed..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/blocklist.txt.gz
+++ /dev/null
diff --git a/test/fixtures/bunny-private.torrent b/test/fixtures/bunny-private.torrent
deleted file mode 100644
index da15903..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/bunny-private.torrent
+++ /dev/null
diff --git a/test/fixtures/folder.torrent b/test/fixtures/folder.torrent
deleted file mode 100644
index cbc8c69..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/folder.torrent
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1 +0,0 @@
-d13:creation datei1449730049429e8:encoding5:UTF-84:infod5:filesld6:lengthi15e4:pathl8:file.txteee4:name6:folder12:piece lengthi16384e6:pieces20:y��Hӟ+�TP./���7ee
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/test/fixtures/folder/file.txt b/test/fixtures/folder/file.txt
deleted file mode 100644
index 0637880..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/folder/file.txt
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1 +0,0 @@
-This is a file
diff --git a/test/fixtures/leaves.torrent b/test/fixtures/leaves.torrent
deleted file mode 100644
index f5541af..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/leaves.torrent
+++ /dev/null
diff --git a/test/fixtures/numbers.torrent b/test/fixtures/numbers.torrent
deleted file mode 100644
index 12e2db6..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/numbers.torrent
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1 +0,0 @@
-d13:creation datei1449730287842e8:encoding5:UTF-84:infod5:filesld6:lengthi1e4:pathl5:1.txteed6:lengthi2e4:pathl5:2.txteed6:lengthi3e4:pathl5:3.txteee4:name7:numbers12:piece lengthi16384e6:pieces20:td�P��p��J�'�c�Sk|�ee
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/test/fixtures/numbers/1.txt b/test/fixtures/numbers/1.txt
deleted file mode 100644
index 56a6051..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/numbers/1.txt
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1 +0,0 @@
-1
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/test/fixtures/numbers/2.txt b/test/fixtures/numbers/2.txt
deleted file mode 100644
index 8fdd954..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/numbers/2.txt
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1 +0,0 @@
-22
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/test/fixtures/numbers/3.txt b/test/fixtures/numbers/3.txt
deleted file mode 100644
index 4f37670..0000000
--- a/test/fixtures/numbers/3.txt
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1 +0,0 @@
-333
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/test/node/basic.js b/test/node/basic.js
index 6bee61c..6b32fff 100644
--- a/test/node/basic.js
+++ b/test/node/basic.js
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-var common = require('../common')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var http = require('http')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../../')
@@ -23,7 +23,7 @@ test('client.add: http url to a torrent file, string', function (t) {
 
   var server = http.createServer(function (req, res) {
     t.ok(req.headers['user-agent'].indexOf('WebTorrent') !== -1)
-    res.end(common.leaves.torrent)
+    res.end(fixtures.leaves.torrent)
   })
 
   server.listen(0, function () {
@@ -36,8 +36,8 @@ test('client.add: http url to a torrent file, string', function (t) {
 
     client.add(url, function (torrent) {
       t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
-      t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-      t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI)
+      t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+      t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
 
       client.remove(torrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
       t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
@@ -56,10 +56,10 @@ test('client.add: filesystem path to a torrent file, string', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client.add(common.leaves.torrentPath, function (torrent) {
+  client.add(fixtures.leaves.torrentPath, function (torrent) {
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
 
     client.remove(torrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
@@ -76,12 +76,12 @@ test('client.seed: filesystem path to file, string', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client.seed(common.leaves.contentPath, {
+  client.seed(fixtures.leaves.contentPath, {
     name: 'Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub'
   }, function (torrent) {
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.leaves.magnetURI)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
 
     client.remove(torrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
@@ -98,10 +98,10 @@ test('client.seed: filesystem path to folder with one file, string', function (t
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client.seed(common.folder.contentPath, function (torrent) {
+  client.seed(fixtures.folder.contentPath, function (torrent) {
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.folder.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.folder.magnetURI)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.folder.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.folder.magnetURI)
 
     client.remove(torrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
@@ -118,10 +118,10 @@ test('client.seed: filesystem path to folder with multiple files, string', funct
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client.seed(common.numbers.contentPath, function (torrent) {
+  client.seed(fixtures.numbers.contentPath, function (torrent) {
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.numbers.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
-    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, common.numbers.magnetURI)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.numbers.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.magnetURI, fixtures.numbers.magnetURI)
 
     client.remove(torrent, function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)
diff --git a/test/node/blocklist-dht.js b/test/node/blocklist-dht.js
index 474d5c3..3e23424 100644
--- a/test/node/blocklist-dht.js
+++ b/test/node/blocklist-dht.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-var common = require('../common')
 var DHT = require('bittorrent-dht/server')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var series = require('run-series')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../../')
@@ -25,7 +25,7 @@ test('blocklist blocks peers discovered via DHT', function (t) {
       client1.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
       client1.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-      var torrent1 = client1.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+      var torrent1 = client1.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
 
       torrent1.on('peer', function () {
         t.fail('client1 should not find any peers')
@@ -63,7 +63,7 @@ test('blocklist blocks peers discovered via DHT', function (t) {
       client2.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
       client2.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-      var torrent2 = client2.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+      var torrent2 = client2.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
 
       torrent2.on('blockedPeer', function (addr) {
         t.pass('client2 blocked connection to client1: ' + addr)
diff --git a/test/node/blocklist-tracker.js b/test/node/blocklist-tracker.js
index cac9468..88fbf41 100644
--- a/test/node/blocklist-tracker.js
+++ b/test/node/blocklist-tracker.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-var common = require('../common')
 var extend = require('xtend')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var series = require('run-series')
 var test = require('tape')
 var TrackerServer = require('bittorrent-tracker/server')
@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ var WebTorrent = require('../../')
 test('blocklist blocks peers discovered via tracker', function (t) {
   t.plan(9)
 
-  var parsedTorrent = extend(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+  var parsedTorrent = extend(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
   var tracker, client1, client2
 
   series([
diff --git a/test/node/blocklist.js b/test/node/blocklist.js
index 8a7ee9c..d67af91 100644
--- a/test/node/blocklist.js
+++ b/test/node/blocklist.js
@@ -1,14 +1,10 @@
-var common = require('../common')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var fs = require('fs')
 var http = require('http')
-var path = require('path')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../../')
 var zlib = require('zlib')
 
-var blocklistPath = path.resolve(__dirname, '..', 'fixtures', 'blocklist.txt')
-var blocklistGzipPath = path.resolve(__dirname, '..', 'fixtures', 'blocklist.txt.gz')
-
 function assertBlocked (t, torrent, addr) {
   torrent.once('blockedPeer', function (_addr) {
     t.equal(addr, _addr)
@@ -36,7 +32,7 @@ test('blocklist (single IP)', function (t) {
 
   // blocklist isn't fully loaded until `ready` event
   client.on('ready', function () {
-    client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
+    client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
       assertBlocked(t, torrent, '1.2.3.4:1234')
       assertBlocked(t, torrent, '1.2.3.4:6969')
       assertReachable(t, torrent, '1.1.1.1:1234')
@@ -60,7 +56,7 @@ test('blocklist (array of IPs)', function (t) {
   .on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   .on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   .on('ready', function () {
-    client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
+    client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
       assertBlocked(t, torrent, '1.2.3.4:1234')
       assertBlocked(t, torrent, '1.2.3.4:6969')
       assertBlocked(t, torrent, '5.6.7.8:1234')
@@ -127,7 +123,7 @@ test('blocklist (array of IP ranges)', function (t) {
   .on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   .on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   .on('ready', function () {
-    client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
+    client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
       assertList(t, torrent)
       client.destroy(function (err) {
         t.error(err, 'client destroyed')
@@ -142,7 +138,7 @@ test('blocklist (http url)', function (t) {
     // Check that WebTorrent declares a user agent
     t.ok(req.headers['user-agent'].indexOf('WebTorrent') !== -1)
 
-    fs.createReadStream(blocklistPath).pipe(res)
+    fs.createReadStream(fixtures.blocklist.path).pipe(res)
   })
 
   server.listen(0, function () {
@@ -156,7 +152,7 @@ test('blocklist (http url)', function (t) {
     .on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
     .on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
     .on('ready', function () {
-      client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
+      client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
         assertList(t, torrent)
         client.destroy(function (err) {
           t.error(err, 'client destroyed')
@@ -176,7 +172,7 @@ test('blocklist (http url with gzip encoding)', function (t) {
     t.ok(req.headers['user-agent'].indexOf('WebTorrent') !== -1)
 
     res.setHeader('content-encoding', 'gzip')
-    fs.createReadStream(blocklistPath)
+    fs.createReadStream(fixtures.blocklist.path)
       .pipe(zlib.createGzip())
       .pipe(res)
   })
@@ -192,7 +188,7 @@ test('blocklist (http url with gzip encoding)', function (t) {
     .on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
     .on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
     .on('ready', function () {
-      client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
+      client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
         assertList(t, torrent)
         client.destroy(function (err) {
           t.error(err, 'client destroyed')
@@ -212,7 +208,7 @@ test('blocklist (http url with deflate encoding)', function (t) {
     t.ok(req.headers['user-agent'].indexOf('WebTorrent') !== -1)
 
     res.setHeader('content-encoding', 'deflate')
-    fs.createReadStream(blocklistPath)
+    fs.createReadStream(fixtures.blocklist.path)
       .pipe(zlib.createDeflate())
       .pipe(res)
   })
@@ -228,7 +224,7 @@ test('blocklist (http url with deflate encoding)', function (t) {
     .on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
     .on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
     .on('ready', function () {
-      client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
+      client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
         assertList(t, torrent)
         client.destroy(function (err) {
           t.error(err, 'client destroyed')
@@ -246,12 +242,12 @@ test('blocklist (fs path)', function (t) {
   var client = new WebTorrent({
     dht: false,
     tracker: false,
-    blocklist: blocklistPath
+    blocklist: fixtures.blocklist.path
   })
   .on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   .on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   .on('ready', function () {
-    client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
+    client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
       assertList(t, torrent)
       client.destroy(function (err) {
         t.error(err, 'client destroyed')
@@ -265,12 +261,12 @@ test('blocklist (fs path with gzip)', function (t) {
   var client = new WebTorrent({
     dht: false,
     tracker: false,
-    blocklist: blocklistGzipPath
+    blocklist: fixtures.blocklist.gzipPath
   })
   .on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   .on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   .on('ready', function () {
-    client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
+    client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent) {
       assertList(t, torrent)
       client.destroy(function (err) {
         t.error(err, 'client destroyed')
diff --git a/test/node/cmd.js b/test/node/cmd.js
index 4c4f9e2..d31824f 100644
--- a/test/node/cmd.js
+++ b/test/node/cmd.js
@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
-var common = require('../common')
 var cp = require('child_process')
 var extend = require('xtend')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var parseTorrent = require('parse-torrent')
 var path = require('path')
 var spawn = require('cross-spawn-async')
@@ -51,10 +51,10 @@ test('Command line: webtorrent version', function (t) {
 test('Command line: webtorrent info /path/to/file.torrent', function (t) {
   t.plan(3)
 
-  cp.exec(CMD + ' info ' + common.leaves.torrentPath, function (err, data) {
+  cp.exec(CMD + ' info ' + fixtures.leaves.torrentPath, function (err, data) {
     t.error(err)
     data = JSON.parse(data)
-    var parsedTorrent = extend(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+    var parsedTorrent = extend(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
     delete parsedTorrent.info
     delete parsedTorrent.infoBuffer
     delete parsedTorrent.infoHashBuffer
@@ -83,7 +83,7 @@ test('Command line: webtorrent info magnet_uri', function (t) {
 test('Command line: webtorrent create /path/to/file', function (t) {
   t.plan(1)
 
-  var child = spawn('node', [ CMD_PATH, 'create', common.leaves.contentPath ])
+  var child = spawn('node', [ CMD_PATH, 'create', fixtures.leaves.contentPath ])
   child.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
   var chunks = []
@@ -100,7 +100,9 @@ test('Command line: webtorrent create /path/to/file', function (t) {
 test('Command line: webtorrent download <torrent file> (with local content)', function (t) {
   t.plan(2)
 
-  cp.exec(CMD + ' download ' + common.leaves.torrentPath + ' --out test/fixtures', function (err, data) {
+  var fixturesPath = path.join(path.dirname(require.resolve('webtorrent-fixtures')), 'fixtures')
+
+  cp.exec(CMD + ' download ' + fixtures.leaves.torrentPath + ' --out ' + fixturesPath, function (err, data) {
     t.error(err)
     t.ok(data.indexOf('successfully') !== -1)
   })
diff --git a/test/node/download-dht-magnet.js b/test/node/download-dht-magnet.js
index 9ddba86..028d6a6 100644
--- a/test/node/download-dht-magnet.js
+++ b/test/node/download-dht-magnet.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-var common = require('../common')
 var DHT = require('bittorrent-dht/server')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var fs = require('fs')
 var networkAddress = require('network-address')
 var series = require('run-series')
@@ -30,7 +30,7 @@ test('Download using DHT (via magnet uri)', function (t) {
       client1.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
       client1.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-      var torrent = client1.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+      var torrent = client1.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
 
       torrent.on('dhtAnnounce', function () {
         t.pass('finished dht announce')
@@ -46,7 +46,7 @@ test('Download using DHT (via magnet uri)', function (t) {
         t.deepEqual(torrent.files.map(function (file) { return file.name }), names)
       })
 
-      torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(common.leaves.contentPath), function (err) {
+      torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(fixtures.leaves.contentPath), function (err) {
         t.error(err)
         loaded = true
         maybeDone()
@@ -71,7 +71,7 @@ test('Download using DHT (via magnet uri)', function (t) {
       client2.on('torrent', function (torrent) {
         torrent.files[0].getBuffer(function (err, buf) {
           t.error(err)
-          t.deepEqual(buf, common.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
+          t.deepEqual(buf, fixtures.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
 
           gotBuffer = true
           maybeDone()
@@ -85,7 +85,7 @@ test('Download using DHT (via magnet uri)', function (t) {
         })
       })
 
-      client2.add(common.leaves.magnetURI)
+      client2.add(fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
 
       var gotBuffer = false
       var gotDone = false
diff --git a/test/node/download-dht-torrent.js b/test/node/download-dht-torrent.js
index b6262c3..5f88da5 100644
--- a/test/node/download-dht-torrent.js
+++ b/test/node/download-dht-torrent.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-var common = require('../common')
 var DHT = require('bittorrent-dht/server')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var fs = require('fs')
 var series = require('run-series')
 var test = require('tape')
@@ -29,7 +29,7 @@ test('Download using DHT (via .torrent file)', function (t) {
       client1.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
       client1.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-      var torrent = client1.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+      var torrent = client1.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
 
       torrent.on('ready', function () {
         // torrent metadata has been fetched -- sanity check it
@@ -39,7 +39,7 @@ test('Download using DHT (via .torrent file)', function (t) {
         t.deepEqual(torrent.files.map(function (file) { return file.name }), names)
       })
 
-      torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(common.leaves.contentPath), function (err) {
+      torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(fixtures.leaves.contentPath), function (err) {
         loaded = true
         maybeDone(err)
       })
@@ -69,7 +69,7 @@ test('Download using DHT (via .torrent file)', function (t) {
         torrent.files.forEach(function (file) {
           file.getBuffer(function (err, buf) {
             if (err) throw err
-            t.deepEqual(buf, common.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
+            t.deepEqual(buf, fixtures.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
             gotBuffer = true
             maybeDone()
           })
@@ -88,7 +88,7 @@ test('Download using DHT (via .torrent file)', function (t) {
         }
       })
 
-      client2.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+      client2.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
     }
   ], function (err) {
     t.error(err)
diff --git a/test/node/download-private-dht.js b/test/node/download-private-dht.js
index ee5125e..023f7ff 100644
--- a/test/node/download-private-dht.js
+++ b/test/node/download-private-dht.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-var common = require('../common')
 var DHT = require('bittorrent-dht/server')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var series = require('run-series')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../../')
@@ -28,7 +28,7 @@ test('private torrent should not use DHT', function (t) {
       client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
       client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-      var torrent = client.add(common.bunny.parsedTorrent)
+      var torrent = client.add(fixtures.bunny.parsedTorrent)
 
       torrent.on('dhtAnnounce', function () {
         t.fail('client announced to dht')
@@ -76,7 +76,7 @@ test('public torrent should use DHT', function (t) {
       client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
       client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-      var torrent = client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+      var torrent = client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
 
       torrent.on('dhtAnnounce', function () {
         t.pass('client announced to dht')
diff --git a/test/node/download-tracker-magnet.js b/test/node/download-tracker-magnet.js
index 12607e7..a310350 100644
--- a/test/node/download-tracker-magnet.js
+++ b/test/node/download-tracker-magnet.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-var common = require('../common')
 var extend = require('xtend')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var fs = require('fs')
 var series = require('run-series')
 var test = require('tape')
@@ -29,7 +29,7 @@ function magnetDownloadTest (t, serverType) {
     trackerStartCount += 1
   })
 
-  var parsedTorrent = extend(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+  var parsedTorrent = extend(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
   var magnetURI, client1, client2
 
   series([
@@ -61,7 +61,7 @@ function magnetDownloadTest (t, serverType) {
 
         t.deepEqual(torrent.files.map(function (file) { return file.name }), names)
 
-        torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(common.leaves.contentPath), function (err) {
+        torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(fixtures.leaves.contentPath), function (err) {
           cb(err)
         })
       })
@@ -79,7 +79,7 @@ function magnetDownloadTest (t, serverType) {
         torrent.files.forEach(function (file) {
           file.getBuffer(function (err, buf) {
             if (err) throw err
-            t.deepEqual(buf, common.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
+            t.deepEqual(buf, fixtures.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
             gotBuffer = true
             maybeDone()
           })
diff --git a/test/node/download-tracker-torrent.js b/test/node/download-tracker-torrent.js
index 5949a39..c9068c5 100644
--- a/test/node/download-tracker-torrent.js
+++ b/test/node/download-tracker-torrent.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-var common = require('../common')
 var extend = require('xtend')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var fs = require('fs')
 var series = require('run-series')
 var test = require('tape')
@@ -18,7 +18,7 @@ function torrentDownloadTest (t, serverType) {
   t.plan(9)
 
   var trackerStartCount = 0
-  var parsedTorrent = extend(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+  var parsedTorrent = extend(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
 
   var tracker = new TrackerServer(
     serverType === 'udp' ? { http: false, ws: false } : { udp: false, ws: false }
@@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ function torrentDownloadTest (t, serverType) {
 
         t.deepEqual(torrent.files.map(function (file) { return file.name }), names)
 
-        torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(common.leaves.contentPath), cb)
+        torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(fixtures.leaves.contentPath), cb)
       })
 
       client1.add(parsedTorrent)
@@ -79,7 +79,7 @@ function torrentDownloadTest (t, serverType) {
         torrent.files.forEach(function (file) {
           file.getBuffer(function (err, buf) {
             if (err) throw err
-            t.deepEqual(buf, common.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
+            t.deepEqual(buf, fixtures.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
             gotBuffer = true
             maybeDone()
           })
diff --git a/test/node/download-webseed-magnet.js b/test/node/download-webseed-magnet.js
index b963446..47a10f6 100644
--- a/test/node/download-webseed-magnet.js
+++ b/test/node/download-webseed-magnet.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-var common = require('../common')
 var finalhandler = require('finalhandler')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var http = require('http')
 var path = require('path')
 var series = require('run-series')
@@ -56,7 +56,7 @@ test('Download using webseed (via magnet uri)', function (t) {
         maybeDone()
       })
 
-      client1.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+      client1.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
     },
 
     function (cb) {
@@ -65,14 +65,14 @@ test('Download using webseed (via magnet uri)', function (t) {
       client2.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
       client2.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-      var webSeedUrl = 'http://localhost:' + httpServer.address().port + '/' + common.leaves.parsedTorrent.name
-      var magnetURI = common.leaves.magnetURI + '&ws=' + encodeURIComponent(webSeedUrl)
+      var webSeedUrl = 'http://localhost:' + httpServer.address().port + '/' + fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.name
+      var magnetURI = fixtures.leaves.magnetURI + '&ws=' + encodeURIComponent(webSeedUrl)
 
       client2.on('torrent', function (torrent) {
         torrent.files.forEach(function (file) {
           file.getBuffer(function (err, buf) {
             t.error(err)
-            t.deepEqual(buf, common.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
+            t.deepEqual(buf, fixtures.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
             gotBuffer = true
             maybeDone()
           })
diff --git a/test/node/download-webseed-torrent.js b/test/node/download-webseed-torrent.js
index d10eeee..e80ae05 100644
--- a/test/node/download-webseed-torrent.js
+++ b/test/node/download-webseed-torrent.js
@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
-var common = require('../common')
 var extend = require('xtend')
 var finalhandler = require('finalhandler')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var http = require('http')
 var path = require('path')
 var series = require('run-series')
@@ -11,7 +11,7 @@ var WebTorrent = require('../../')
 test('Download using webseed (via .torrent file)', function (t) {
   t.plan(6)
 
-  var parsedTorrent = extend(common.leaves.parsedTorrent)
+  var parsedTorrent = extend(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent)
 
   var httpServer = http.createServer(function (req, res) {
     var done = finalhandler(req, res)
@@ -28,7 +28,7 @@ test('Download using webseed (via .torrent file)', function (t) {
 
     function (cb) {
       parsedTorrent.urlList = [
-        'http://localhost:' + httpServer.address().port + '/' + common.leaves.parsedTorrent.name
+        'http://localhost:' + httpServer.address().port + '/' + fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.name
       ]
 
       client = new WebTorrent({ dht: false, tracker: false })
@@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ test('Download using webseed (via .torrent file)', function (t) {
         torrent.files.forEach(function (file) {
           file.getBuffer(function (err, buf) {
             t.error(err)
-            t.deepEqual(buf, common.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
+            t.deepEqual(buf, fixtures.leaves.content, 'downloaded correct content')
             gotBuffer = true
             maybeDone()
           })
diff --git a/test/node/duplicates.js b/test/node/duplicates.js
index 0421546..8689b85 100644
--- a/test/node/duplicates.js
+++ b/test/node/duplicates.js
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-var common = require('../common')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../../')
 
@@ -9,7 +9,7 @@ test('client.seed followed by duplicate client.add', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client.seed(common.leaves.content, {
+  client.seed(fixtures.leaves.content, {
     name: 'Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub'
   }, function (torrent1) {
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
@@ -33,7 +33,7 @@ test('client.seed followed by two duplicate client.add calls', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client.seed(common.leaves.content, {
+  client.seed(fixtures.leaves.content, {
     name: 'Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub'
   }, function (torrent1) {
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
@@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ test('successive sync client.add, client.remove, client.add, client.remove', fun
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client.seed(common.leaves.content, {
+  client.seed(fixtures.leaves.content, {
     name: 'Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman.epub'
   }, function (torrent1) {
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
diff --git a/test/node/extensions.js b/test/node/extensions.js
index 399c1e3..5b68950 100644
--- a/test/node/extensions.js
+++ b/test/node/extensions.js
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-var common = require('../common')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../../')
 
@@ -39,12 +39,12 @@ test('extension support', function (t) {
   client2.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client2.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client1.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent1) {
+  client1.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent, function (torrent1) {
     torrent1.on('wire', function (wire) {
       t.pass('client1 onWire')
       wire.use(Extension)
     })
-    var torrent2 = client2.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    var torrent2 = client2.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
     torrent2.on('wire', function (wire) {
       t.pass('client2 onWire')
       wire.use(Extension)
diff --git a/test/node/metadata.js b/test/node/metadata.js
index a6d082d..6a40f25 100644
--- a/test/node/metadata.js
+++ b/test/node/metadata.js
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-var common = require('../common')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../../')
 
@@ -20,13 +20,13 @@ test('ut_metadata transfer', function (t) {
   })
 
   // client1 starts with metadata from torrent file
-  client1.add(common.leaves.torrent)
+  client1.add(fixtures.leaves.torrent)
 
   client1.on('torrent', function (torrent1) {
-    t.deepEqual(torrent1.info, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.info)
+    t.deepEqual(torrent1.info, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.info)
 
     // client2 starts with infohash
-    client2.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    client2.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
 
     client2.on('listening', function (port, torrent2) {
       // manually add the peer
diff --git a/test/node/seed-stream.js b/test/node/seed-stream.js
index b7da799..eafc9e7 100644
--- a/test/node/seed-stream.js
+++ b/test/node/seed-stream.js
@@ -1,8 +1,8 @@
-var test = require('tape')
 var Readable = require('readable-stream').Readable
+var series = require('run-series')
+var test = require('tape')
 var Tracker = require('bittorrent-tracker/server')
 var WebTorrent = require('../../')
-var series = require('run-series')
 
 test('client.seed: stream', function (t) {
   t.plan(9)
diff --git a/test/node/seed-while-download.js b/test/node/seed-while-download.js
index 4b34e98..8cb32e4 100644
--- a/test/node/seed-while-download.js
+++ b/test/node/seed-while-download.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-var common = require('../common')
 var DHT = require('bittorrent-dht/server')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var fs = require('fs')
 var series = require('run-series')
 var test = require('tape')
@@ -29,7 +29,7 @@ test('Seed and download a file at the same time', function (t) {
       client1.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
       client1.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-      var torrent = client1.add(common.leaves.torrent)
+      var torrent = client1.add(fixtures.leaves.torrent)
 
       torrent.on('dhtAnnounce', function () {
         t.pass('client1 finished dht announce')
@@ -37,7 +37,7 @@ test('Seed and download a file at the same time', function (t) {
         maybeDone()
       })
 
-      torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(common.leaves.contentPath), function (err) {
+      torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(fixtures.leaves.contentPath), function (err) {
         t.error(err, 'client1 started seeding')
         loaded = true
         maybeDone()
@@ -60,7 +60,7 @@ test('Seed and download a file at the same time', function (t) {
       client2.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
       client2.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-      var torrent = client2.add(common.alice.torrent)
+      var torrent = client2.add(fixtures.alice.torrent)
 
       torrent.on('dhtAnnounce', function () {
         t.pass('client2 finished dht announce')
@@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ test('Seed and download a file at the same time', function (t) {
         maybeDone()
       })
 
-      torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(common.alice.contentPath), function (err) {
+      torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(fixtures.alice.contentPath), function (err) {
         t.error(err, 'client2 started seeding')
         loaded = true
         maybeDone()
@@ -82,12 +82,12 @@ test('Seed and download a file at the same time', function (t) {
     },
 
     function (cb) {
-      client1.add(common.alice.magnetURI)
+      client1.add(fixtures.alice.magnetURI)
 
       client1.on('torrent', function (torrent) {
         torrent.files[0].getBuffer(function (err, buf) {
           t.error(err)
-          t.deepEqual(buf, common.alice.content, 'client1 downloaded correct content')
+          t.deepEqual(buf, fixtures.alice.content, 'client1 downloaded correct content')
           gotBuffer1 = true
           maybeDone()
         })
@@ -99,12 +99,12 @@ test('Seed and download a file at the same time', function (t) {
         })
       })
 
-      client2.add(common.leaves.magnetURI)
+      client2.add(fixtures.leaves.magnetURI)
 
       client2.on('torrent', function (torrent) {
         torrent.files[0].getBuffer(function (err, buf) {
           t.error(err)
-          t.deepEqual(buf, common.leaves.content, 'client2 downloaded correct content')
+          t.deepEqual(buf, fixtures.leaves.content, 'client2 downloaded correct content')
           gotBuffer2 = true
           maybeDone()
         })
diff --git a/test/node/server.js b/test/node/server.js
index 62565b3..564d7b1 100644
--- a/test/node/server.js
+++ b/test/node/server.js
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-var common = require('../common')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var fs = require('fs')
 var get = require('simple-get')
 var test = require('tape')
@@ -12,7 +12,7 @@ test('torrent.createServer: programmatic http server', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  client.add(common.leaves.torrent, function (torrent) {
+  client.add(fixtures.leaves.torrent, function (torrent) {
     t.pass('got "torrent" event')
     var server = torrent.createServer()
 
@@ -21,7 +21,7 @@ test('torrent.createServer: programmatic http server', function (t) {
       t.pass('server is listening on ' + port)
 
       // Seeding after server is created should work
-      torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(common.leaves.contentPath), function (err) {
+      torrent.load(fs.createReadStream(fixtures.leaves.contentPath), function (err) {
         t.error(err, 'loaded seed content into torrent')
       })
 
@@ -36,7 +36,7 @@ test('torrent.createServer: programmatic http server', function (t) {
         // Verify file content for first (and only) file
         get.concat(host + '/0', function (err, res, data) {
           t.error(err, 'got http response for /0')
-          t.deepEqual(data, common.leaves.content)
+          t.deepEqual(data, fixtures.leaves.content)
 
           server.close(function () {
             t.pass('server closed')
diff --git a/test/package.json b/test/package.json
deleted file mode 100644
index 3464324..0000000
--- a/test/package.json
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,7 +0,0 @@
-{
-  "name": "test",
-  "version": "0.0.0",
-  "browserify": {
-    "transform": ["brfs"]
-  }
-}
diff --git a/test/torrent-destroy.js b/test/torrent-destroy.js
index a0a2e5e..ceae205 100644
--- a/test/torrent-destroy.js
+++ b/test/torrent-destroy.js
@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-var common = require('./common')
+var fixtures = require('webtorrent-fixtures')
 var test = require('tape')
 var WebTorrent = require('../')
 
@@ -10,11 +10,11 @@ test('torrent.destroy: destroy and remove torrent', function (t) {
   client.on('error', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
   client.on('warning', function (err) { t.fail(err) })
 
-  var torrent = client.add(common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+  var torrent = client.add(fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
   t.equal(client.torrents.length, 1)
 
   torrent.on('infoHash', function () {
-    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, common.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
+    t.equal(torrent.infoHash, fixtures.leaves.parsedTorrent.infoHash)
 
     torrent.destroy(function (err) { t.error(err, 'torrent destroyed') })
     t.equal(client.torrents.length, 0)